Puzzle Pieces -JAX AND TARA-
by skriley316
Summary: This is a story of Jax and Tara, in my own version, starting with Jax rescuing Tara from Salazar. Sucky summary, better story. Please R&R. -ONE TIME DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SONS OF ANARCHY OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS- (rated M for later chapters and for mature language)
1. Chapter 1

**Jax POV**

As soon as we arrived back from Belfast, it was automatically on to searching for Tara. I just couldn't believe how it had all happened. I sat up on the bed in the doctor's office as they stitched my arm up. This wound was nothing compared to what Tara would've got had Hale not have stabbed Salazar in the ribs. It was one of those moments when you are frozen in horror. Seeing him hold that knife up to her neck had frozen me still. I didn't really know what to do. If I jumped up would he just yank the blade across her throat? As soon as the pen went into his rib cage, and he yanked his hand away from Tara, I tackled him down to the ground to get the knife and gun out of his hands, then it was on. He ran for the door, but I grabbed the gun and ran for Tara. A cool sweat broke out on the back of my neck, reliving the horror that just happened a little over an hour ago. I handed her the gun.

"_Kill anyone who isn't a cop."_

I kissed her than ran off to get Salazar with his knife. After a goose chase through the building, I had him cornered. I was able to persuade him to put down the fire ax he had in his hand, and then that's when I plunged his own knife into his torso, killing him. That's what he gets for hurting Tara. A calm voice ripped me away from those thoughts.

"_Mr. Teller. You are all done now."_

The nurse had finished with my arm, and wrapped it up in gauze.

"_How is my girlfriend?"_

Everyone at the hospital knew of my relationship with Tara. Often times than not, I'd be there to speak with her words that couldn't be spoken over the phone, or to just sneak in a few kisses or two.

"_Dr. Knowles is fine. Undergoing a few tests right now."_

"_Tests?"_

"_Well she's about to get an ultrasound. She just got some blood work done."_

"_The baby. Can I see her? Am I allowed to?"_

"_Yeah. She's in the 3rd room on the left."_

"_Got it, thank you."_

I walked up to the door, and knocked on it, even though it was open. She sat there alone, waiting for the doctor to come in.

"_Tara?"_

"_Please just go away."_

"_Listen babe. I'm sorry. I know I was such a dick to you. I just wanted what was best for you."_

"_You're entirely full of shit."_

Her voice was a bit shaky.

"_I wasn't thinking clearly. I was just stressed from losing Abel, and I didn't want you to get hurt too."_

"_And you nailing some fucking porn slut wasn't hurting me?! Cheating was a deal breaker Jax, and you knew that."_

"_It technically wasn't cheating. I had dumped you the day I slept with her."_

"_Okay, get out now. I don't want to hear your voice anymore. We're over, remember?"_

"_I didn't even mean that..."_

"_Don't you have your family to get back to?"_

I gulped heavily, and my heart sank into my stomach. I remember shouting those God awful words at her in Nate's basement. -WE'RE NOT YOUR FAMILY!... Saying that to her was the lowest blow she would probably ever take. For a girl who never really fit in to any family before, and having her try so hard to be an old lady and mom, to just fit it, me saying that to her was the worst thing I could probably do.

"_You're a huge part of my family."_

"_That's not what you said. You disowned me of the only family I ever had, and you cheated on me."_

"_Tara, please... I'm so sorry for saying that shit to you. I love you so much, and I know you'll never fully forgive me, but I'm just asking for one more chance. I won't fuck up this time... Please."_

"_It doesn't matter anymore. Once they let me get out of here, I'm just going to move back into my dad's house."_

"_Tara, I know you're pregnant. Gemma told me when I was giving up in Belfast."_

"_She had no right to do that. What choices I make are mine..."_

"_That's our baby inside you. Please let me be with you. We need to raise our kids together. We need to be a family. Please..."_

At this time, I was holding onto her hand, and trying to force back the tears. She stared off for a while, then looked up at me.

"_Fine, but you have A LOT of shit to make up. I'm just glad you were man enough to rescue me."_

"_Well of course babe. That's my job."_

The doctor then came in, and performed the ultrasound. She was 8 weeks along, and the baby was perfectly fine. He had a strong heartbeat.

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**~Please leave a review and let me know what you guys think of this! I'll be going along with the ending of season 3, season 4, and mid way through season 5 before taking it into my entirely original story. (I'm entirely for Jax and Tara being together and happy)~**


	2. Chapter 2

**JAX POV**

The next morning, I woke up with a quick panic, but as soon as I felt Tara in my arms, I relaxed. I gazed down at her sleeping beauty. She must have felt me jolt in the bed, because she woke up soon after that. I smiled softly at her, to reassure her that everything was okay.

"_Hey."_

"_Morning. I love you."_

"_I love you."_ I then looked down at her stomach.

"_I love you too son."_ Tara had just laughed.

"_You don't know that."_

"_I have a feeling."_

_I gazed into her eyes._

"_I just want you to know, whatever happens today, I'm right here baby."_

"_I know."_

I never broke our gaze. We shared a deep kiss before enjoying our morning in bed together- if you know what I mean. Later on, we were all to have breakfast at the clubhouse. We got ready and took our beautiful baby boy to go to hang with the club. This was our last morning of freedom before we'd be spending God knows how long in the Stockton State Prison. I was so relieved I got Tara to stick with me, so Abel would be in good hands. I didn't like the idea of Gemma doing it all. We had to make an exchange with Putlova for O' Phelan. He wanted two million dollars. Although our club was broke, so we had to mix in some real with a lot of counterfeit that our stubby handed friend Chucky had from scamming Lin. We had to make our plan very wise. We'd have Tara drive her Cutlass to put O' Phelan in the back. Of course that would require us giving her a bullet-proof vest. If our plan was going to work, which was highly unpredictable, we'd need to sneak Jimmy O away, and the club would stay back and see if they were to come after us. They'd never recognize Tara's car.

The exchange went well. We rode off behind Tara's car when ATF blocked the roads after Tara with just enough space for our bikes to get through. I split up and went to speak with Stahl. Little did I know, she'd be following me back, demanding we give up Jimmy O' Phelan. We were surrounded, so we had no choice to. Clay and I had this plan with the club all along to get O'Phelan. Stahl getting him in custody would be a temporary thing. Chibs, Piney, Opie and Kozik would be behind since they weren't going in for the church weapon assault. When I heard Clay ask Stahl how she knew, my nerves went over the edge. We had to act it out really well. Clay flipped out that I had ratted. I charged Stahl, but was restrained. I could remember out of the corner of my eye seeing Tara's broken expression. The whole club was taking verbal blows at me, and Gemma ran to try to get to me. They were loading us into the truck when Tara ran over to me for one last hug. It was one of those where I couldn't hold her tight enough or long enough. We had been reunited for just under one day, and I was about to be away again. My heart was breaking for her.

* * *

**TARA POV**

I couldn't believe it. I knew Jax would be going to prison, but never like that. The likelihood of him surviving since he ratted was almost impossible. If it wasn't SAMCRO to kill him, it would be the Russians for sure. How was I going to live without him like this now? How was I supposed to raise our two boys. I was going to miss Jax so much. Gemma offered to take Abel for the night. I got back into my Cutlass and drove on home. I had no appetite. I had no feeling. I was so exhausted, but wide awake at the same time. I put all my faith into Jax, but it would be just a matter of time before I'd get that phone call saying he was killed. I was emptying out a bag that Jax had brought back from Belfast, and in one of his hats was a whole bundle of letters with a note of top addressed to Jax from Maureen about his father. Who was Maureen? I started to read the letters. A bunch of love letters between John Teller and this Maureen woman. But there was also letters of John's fears and visions for his club. Does Jax know about these letters? Her relation to him? To his father? About half way through the stack, there was a knock on the door. I got my revolver, and looked through the peephole. It was Lyla with Filthy Phil. I opened the door and nonchalantly lowered the gun.

"_I'm sorry Tara. Is it a bad time?"_

"_Anytime is a bad time. What can I help you to with?"_

I was trying to be nice, but I was just in the middle of something, and depressed.

"_This is a letter we were told to deliver. It's from Jax. He told us to wait until business was taken care of."_

"_Business? What are you all talking about?"_

This time, Phil spoke up.

"_Opie and Chibs killed Stahl and O'Phelan. It's all taken care of. Jax and the other guys can get out with good time in about 14 months according to Lowen and Gemma."_

I couldn't believe it. I needed to see what Jax had to say. I took the letter out of Lyla's hand.

"_Thank you both for coming. I'm going to pick the baby up from Gemma's in the morning. Let's meet at the clubhouse and I'll cook us some breakfast, okay? Lyla, bring Ope and the kids. Everyone SAMCRO can come."_

They left so I locked up the house and went back to Abel's room and opened up the letter. God I missed Jax so much already. His handwriting was so perfect, in its own sloppy, manly way. I could smell his cologne on it. For a second I felt him there with me.

* * *

"_To my one and only true love,_

_I'm so sorry we couldn't tell you about the plan we had. We had to keep you and Gemma in the dark. If you are reading this, we're probably booked in already, and Stahl and O'Phelan are dead. Please understand this was what needed to happen. For the club, for us, for me. It'll just be a year or so and I'll be back with you. I have so many things to explain and tell you, and I promise I will as soon as I am out. I'm so sorry I won't be here for our kid's birth. Visitations should be every Wednesday and Saturday morning, so I'll be able to see you then. Be sure to take pictures of Abel and you, and print them out for me to keep in my cell. I can't wait for you to be able to tell me that our newest son really is a son. Start thinking up names now. And don't be too sad babe. We got Abel back, you have your job, and Opie, Lyla, and Chibs are first in line for you if you ever need anything. I love you so much Tara. You are so strong and beautiful. I can't wait to see you soon._

_Yours truly forever,_

_Jackson_

_P.S I love you and Abel and our unborn son more than anything. My promise to you now is that we WILL be getting out of Charming, and out of SAMCRO as soon as I'm out. Stay sweet, stay strong, and stay beautiful."_

* * *

**~Please leave me a review and let me know what you all think... Thanks!~**


	3. Chapter 3

**TARA POV**

The months dragged on like years, or even decades... 8 months into Jax's incarceration, my water broke. 9 months pregnant to the exact day. With our twice a week visitations, I was able to tell him he was right- it was a boy. We decided to honor Jax's little brother by naming our second son Thomas Wayne Teller II. While my contractions started, I had to wait at the house with Abel for Gemma to finish up at T.M to come get us. If Jax couldn't be there, his mom could. Opie and Lyla and their kids were at the house when my water broke, and was going to stay to watch Abel so Gemma could be with me. Whilst packing my back for the hospital, the house phone rang. I told Lyla to just answer it, so I could finish what I was doing. As I went to get my toiletries from the bathroom, she came in with the phone in her hand and she looked pale.

"_T-Tara... You want to take this."_

My thoughts automatically changed from baby to Jax. God, the Russians must have killed him. I cleared my throat from the tears that were coming.

"_Hello?"_

"_Tara..."_

It was Jax's voice. His warm, sweet voice. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear it. That means I could tell him I'm in labor!

"_Jax, baby, what's wrong? How are you able to call me for a second time today?"_

"_I'm in the prison infirmary."_

_He got hurt! Oh my God, what happened?_

"_Infirmary? Jackson, what happened?"_

I gasped and clenched my teeth as a contraction hit.

"_Tara? What is it? Don't cry... Babe, I'm fine."_

"_I-I'm not crying... C-Contractions... I'm in labor."_

"_Oh Tara, call my mom! You need to go to the hospital."_

"_Jax, tell me what's wrong with you."_

"_Well I was in line for the phones. I was going to call Opie, and ask if him and Lyla could stay at the house with you, because it was indefinite when you'd have Thomas. It was almost my turn when 3 Russians ambushed me. One had the phone cord around my neck, one stood watch, and the other one stabbed me in the ribs. Three times. They just got done stitching me up, but they said I could call someone. I'll be in here for a few days just to recover."_

I felt so nauseous, but grateful it wasn't worse.

"_I'll be able to bring Thomas Saturday. Granted he'll only be 3 days old."_

"_I can't wait to meet him. Anyways, my time is almost up. Get to the hospital soon babe and be sure lots of pictures are taken. I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. You've been so strong. Just 3 more days and I get to see you all again."_

"_I love you Jackson."_

"_I love you too Tara. More than anything."_

About 10 minutes after we hung up, Gemma picked me up and we were off to the hospital. 3 hours and 45 minutes later, Thomas Wayne Teller II was born at 7:17 p.m. He weighed 6 lbs., 13 oz, and he was 18 inches long. I cried and cried and cried when I was pushing, and right after it. It was so hard to go through child birth, and even harder without Jax there. I missed him more and more every second of each day and longed for the day we'd be reunited.

* * *

**~I know this chapter was way shorter than the last, and the next chapter will probably be the same, but HEYYYY! The chapter after that is when they get out, and Tara is reunited with her man!~**


	4. Chapter 4

**JAX POV**

Visitation Saturday came. It was my first day out of the infirmary, and my first time meeting my new son. I was so nervous. What if he didn't like me? Or what if I couldn't hold him right? I made my way to the visitation center and saw Tara sitting at a table with the baby's car seat next to her. I walked over to her, and gave her a deep kiss. She went to put her arms around me but touched right where I was stabbed, so I flinched.

"_Oh.. I'm so sorry!"_

"_It's okay... I'm fine."_

We walked around the table and that's when I first laid eyes on him.

"_Oh man, look at him... He's perfect."_

Tara lifted him out of his seat, and handed him to me.

"_Say hello to Daddy..."_

Thomas started to cry a little from being woken up.

"_Hey there buddy."_

"_Abel has a small cold. I didn't want to risk it, so he's with Gemma. I'll bring him next week."_

"_Okay."_

I looked down at Thomas in my arms. He was so tiny, and so perfect. Beneath his royal blue SAMCRO baby beanie was patches of brown hair, just like Tara. The more I looked at him, the more I realized just how much he looked like his mommy.

"_I'm sorry I wasn't there."_

"_I know. It's okay, your mother was in the room."_

"_Yeah, I'm sorry about that too. I promise I'll never miss anything like this again."_

She kissed me again.

"_He's so beautiful..."_

"_I know. And Abel is already such a great big brother. You'd be so proud of him."_

"_I am babe. I already am."_

We sat there and discussed the birth. How he came out screaming. How Lyla came when it was time, so that she could take pictures. How Chibs stayed in the room with her that night for help so she could rest. How everyone was helping her out way more that what she had expected. The more details I heard, the sadder I got. I should've been there for it all. I made a personal vow to both myself and Tara that as soon as I was out on bail, I'd get out of the club, and out of Charming so that we could live a normal, happy, and safe life with our boys.

* * *

**~I know this was super short, but a longer one, with a different side of Tara is coming up next... And they get out on bail!~**


	5. Chapter 5

**TARA POV**

I had so much anxiety with Jax coming home. Thomas was now 6 months old, and Abel two years old. Jax missed both Abel's first birthday party, and his second. I was worried about Jax being back. Not that I wasn't glad... I was so happy. I had taken a personal day just to finish tidying the house up, and so that I could wait at the clubhouse for them to get back. I was outside with Abel, Thomas, Gemma, and Piney when Opie had called to say they were 2 minutes away. Nerves rushed through my entire body. Would he be happy with the changes that had happened? With the schedule I had the boys on? How I dressed? How we all acted? All my confidence had gone out the window. There was just so much that needed to be said, but they wouldn't be said without an argument or two. I stood in the shade waiting to see Jax after all this time. I heard the rumbles of the motorcycles' engines come down the street, and I got so relieved. I had survived 14 months away from my man, birthed out a kid by myself, while raising another. Hell, if I survived all that, I could do anything. He parked his bike and whipped off his sunglasses and helmet to come to me. Abel ran over to him for a hug, then he kissed me. I was so glad for him to be back home. We sat down at the picnic table while Abel colored, making small talk for a bit before he had to go to church. I took the boys home for lunch and a nap. When Jax got back, I was in the living room, organizing Abel's movies in the entertainment center cabinet. He came and sat next to me.

"_I'm so glad to be home babe."_

"_I'm so glad you are too. It's been hard, but I managed."_

"_I know Tara. I'm so sorry. I never stopped thinking about you. On my mind constantly: Tara and my boys, Tara and my boys, Tara and my boys."_

"_I'd kind of hope that's what it would be."_

"_And it was. The entire time. I love you so much Tara."_

"_I love you too Jax." _

He could tell something was up. I just wasn't feeling myself today.

"_What is it Tara? What's wrong?"_

"_You'd never cheat on me again, would you?"_

He looked completely shocked. We never got the chance to really talk about things since he got back from Belfast and rescued me. It went from the rescue to Jimmy O' to 14 months in prison.

"_That was me trying to push you away at the time, but that was stupid of me. No, I'd never cheat on you ever again."_

"_I'm sorry to just spring that on you, but I can't help it. I just have it on my mind."_

"_Cheating?"_

"_Ima."_

"_Jesus Tara... She's dead to me. She'll never be anything but a dumb whore to me."_

"_Oh really? A dumb whore you slept with."_

"_Tara, please don't do this now."_

"_Yes because your timing with cheating was fucking fantastic, right?"_

"_Babe..."_

"_No! Don't babe me. She knows you now."_

"_What?"_

"_Jesus Christ Jackson. She knows how your body is now. How you feel when you're cold or when you're hot. She knows how you grunt with every thrust. How you smirk and gaze deep into her eyes, just like how you do with me. How you position your body so dominantly over her, how you grope her boobs, or how you kiss the crook of her neck when you're close to cumming, just like you do with me."_

"_That's enough."_

"_Oh is it? Was it enough when you pictured my face but was inside her body? She knows how you feel inside her now. She knows what's its like when you runs your hands up her rib cage, and how you stroke your fingers through her hair. We're together. You're supposed to be exclusively mine, as I am yours. A stupid porn slut should not know how I feel when you and I make love! It should be a sacred thing!"_

"_Tara, it's not like I'm the only guy you've ever slept with... There was that ATF agent. Hell, you even got pregnant with his kid."_

What an asshole.

"_It wasn't my choice! He was abusive and refused to ever wear protection. It's not like I had his love child. I got an abortion before the fetus developed into a baby. Don't hold that shit over my head._ _Wasn't it you who said you slept with hundreds or more girls over the years we were apart?"_

"_We weren't together. It didn't matter."_

"_We weren't together when I was with Josh. So it doesn't matter what happened. We were together when you slept with Ima. I was pregnant with your son when you cheated!"_

"_You never told me you were pregnant! I would have never done that if I knew... Plus it does matter what happened with you two. We killed him together, remember?"_

My heart was shattering. I couldn't believe it. He wasn't the same guy anymore.

"_He tried to rape me. He got pretty close to that. But I guess that doesn't matter, does it?"_

I stood up and went to walk to the bedroom. I wasn't trying to cry in front of him. He honestly wasn't worth my tears anymore. I made it down the middle of the hallway before I felt him grab onto me. I flinched with him touching me. That's never happened, ever. Even he knew that. He looked shocked.

"_Tara, please. I was trying to make this a good, happy day. I'm sorry I said that. What happened between you and him is yours and his business. I'm just glad I was the one you called to help you. I was such an ass for fucking Ima. It's never going to happen again. And that I promise."_

He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out a beautiful ring.

"_Jax..."_

"_Tara, this is my ring to you. To prove I'm done with SAMCRO. I'm getting out soon. I'm moving our family away from Charming. We're gonna live the best life. I'm going to love, cherish, and protect you and the boys forever. Let's get married."_

I couldn't say anything because the tears were coming out full force this time. I held out my hand, and he slid the ring on my finger, before hugging my close and kissing me deeply.

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**~So leave me a review.. Let me know your thoughts and feelings and any suggestions you may have!~**


	6. Chapter 6

**TARA POV**

After the boys woke up from their nap, we went back to the clubhouse. I was inside changing Thomas while Jax watched Abel play on the playground the prospects built. Just as I was putting on the clean diaper, I heard Abel crying... Not even really crying, it was more of a sob. Then he was screaming for me. I finished putting the diaper on but handed Thomas and his pants to Lyla before running out there. Jax was holding Abel in his arms, but Abel was frantically trying to pry his way out of Jax's arms. I ran over to them before holding Abel myself.

"_Jax, what happened?"_

"_I-I don't know. He ran for the slide but fell down and skinned his knees."_

I was soothing Abel the best I could.

"_Tara, why won't he let me console him?"_

"_He's just not used to you yet..."_

"_I'm his father. He saw me twice a week almost the entire time I was in prison."_

"_That doesn't mean he's used to you."_

"_I'm trying my best Tara..." _

Honestly, if I didn't have a screaming two year old in my arms, I may have been more calm with Jax.

"_It takes more than just a few hours!"_

He just stared at me, and I knew my words had stung him. I carried Abel inside to get cleaned up.

"_Here buddy, you sit with Uncle Opie, and Mommy will be right back with the first aid kit."_

"_Otay momma."_

Opie and Lyla had been such a big help when Jax was locked up. Opie and Abel were really close, and Opie always seemed to find a way to calm Abel down and make him my bright and giggly little boy again. When I came back, Jax was standing there, watching Opie with Abel. Abel was laughing and tickling Opie. I cleaned his knees then got some bandaids on it.

"_There we go baby. Good as new. Would you like to go play? Mommy and Daddy will both come this time."_

"_And Untle Opie?"_

"_No baby. Uncle Opie and Aunt Lyla have to go home now. They'll be back tomorrow. You can play with them then, okay?"_

"_Otay momma. Wet's go pay."_

I got Thomas from Lyla and held him on my hip, then took Jax by the hand as we followed Abel outside. I had prospects put a bench by the playground because the more pregnant I got, the harder it was to stand up for a long time. I sat down with Jax, as Thomas reached for him. I knew that'd make him really happy.

"_See? Thomas knows his daddy."_

"_The 2 year old should be the one reaching for me, not the 6 month old..."_

I sighed heavily.

"_Abel will come around. He loves you Jax. He just needs to get used to you being around again. He's happy you're back though. We kept a sticky note countdown for the days you'd be back, and every morning when he'd get out of bed, he'd run up and rip one off. He was just startled from the fall. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He's just been used to running to Mommy or Uncle Opie or Aunt Lyla. Trust me, next he'll be running to you to check for monsters under the bed."_

"_But how come he spazzed out in my arms, but got all happy and relaxed in Opie's?"_

"_Again Jax. That is what he is used to. It'll change soon."_

"_I'm jealous..."_

"_Of what?"_

"_The fact that Opie got to help raise our boys when I couldn't. He's seen all of Abel's firsts. I haven't."_

"_Jax, don't hold that over your head. Everything will be okay. Just relax, and try to be around for all of his new firsts. And you'll be with us for Thomas too."_

**~There should be another part of this up tonight... Reviews first please!~**


	7. Chapter 7

**JAX POV**

I laid on the futon in Thomas' room, giving him his bedtime bottle. I could hear Tara and Abel through the open bedroom doors. She was tucking him in for bed, and he was giggling at her bedtime story for him. I had decided it would be best to just give Abel the space he wanted and to let him come to me when he was ready. It just sucked though. Was I just plain stupid for having the image in my head that my homecoming would be perfect? That Tara and I would be over-the-moon in love? That my boys would be so happy their Daddy was home? None of the had occurred yet. I felt so stupid for getting myself so happy in it all. In reality, I was in prison for 14 months for weapon assault charges, and I let my old lady raise my boys by herself. What kind of man was I? I needed to fulfill my promises to her in getting out of SAMCRO, so I could provide Tara and our boys a safe and happy life. I must have gotten lost in my thoughts, because when I looked up, Tara was standing in the doorway.

"_You okay?"_

"_Yeah, just thinking about stuff."_

"_Oh, well Abel wanted you to go in for a hug and kiss good night. I told you he'd come around."_

I smiled so big. He actually wanted me. I stood up and handed Thomas to Tara, then made my way into his room. It was no longer the nursery I left behind. Tara had done a great job transforming it into a perfect "big boy" bedroom. When I went in, his eyes lit up brightly, and he scooted over to one side of the bed.

"_Daddy, tum sit."_

I made my way to his bed, and sat beside him, wrapping an arm around him to pull him close.

"_Hey buddy."_

"_Hi daddy. You tay home?"_

"_Yeah, I'm staying home. I'm not going anywhere."_

"_Otay. I wove you."_

The three best words to ever come out of your child's mouth.

"_I love you too son. Sleep good, okay?"_

"_Night daddy."_

I kissed the top of his head, then made my way out of his room, but by the time I was in the hallway, I could hear him start sniffling like he was upset. I went back in there, and sure enough, he was crying.

"_Abel, baby, what's wrong?"_

"_Daddy, don't weave me."_

"_Okay, I'll stay in here until you fall asleep... Then Daddy has to go talk to Mommy."_

I laid down next to him again, pulling him close as he curled up in my arms.

**TARA POV**

After I had put Thomas to bed, I went out to clean the kitchen. When I was done, I realized Jax still hadn't came out of Abel's room. I went back in there, and saw one of the cutest things ever. Jax and Abel were both asleep. Abel was wrapped up in Jax's arms. How sweet. I gently got Abel out of Jax's hold, and tucked him in by himself, then shook Jax awake, speaking quietly to not wake Abel up.

"_Honey, you fell asleep. Let's go to bed."_

"_Sorry Tara... He had just got upset that I wasn't staying for him to fall asleep."_

"_It's okay. Come on, we've had a long day."_

I took his hand and led him out of Abel's room before shutting the door. Jax was down to just boxers when I got in our room.

"_Comfy there?"_

"_Not just yet..."_

He made his way over to me, putting his hands on my hips, and pulling me in for a deep and passionate kiss. I felt him lift my shirt up, and I held my arms up for it to be pulled over my head. We continued our kiss until both of us were stark naked. He lifted me up onto the bed, before sliding inside me. God I missed him so much.

"_Love me..."_

He kissed me again, and then we proceeded to make hot, passionate, needy love with one another.

**JAX POV**

I woke up around 7 in the morning with Tara, still naked, curled up against my side with her head on my chest. Last night was great. Abel actually wanted me, and I was able to soothe him when he got upset. Plus I got to have sex with my more than perfect fiance. I heard Thomas moving around on the baby monitor, so I got up to deal with him to let Tara sleep in for once. I hopped in the shower really quick before getting him. Shortly after that, Abel woke up, so I was able to enjoy breakfast with my amazing sons.

**~Reviews please!~**


	8. Chapter 8

**TARA POV**

The nightmares kept coming... I was in an endless black hole of sleep that I couldn't wake up from. My mind kept replaying Hayes taking Abel, Jax yelling at me in Nate's basement, Salazar kicking me in the stomach, him holding the knife to my throat, Jax being dragged off by ATF, being so pregnant without Jax being there to feel kicks or anything, Jax's call when he got stabbed, how painful birth was, the sleepless nights with a newborn and no one to help, no one to hold me as I cried for hours on end... Painful memories flooded my mind. I was shook awake by Jax, saying that I was crying in my sleep. I clung onto his shirt and just sobbed. As strong as I was, I was also so weak. I needed Jax now more than ever. I don't how I survived 14 months without him. He just held me so close and lovingly, my sobs soon calmed down to a sniffle.

"_Can you tell me what upset you so much, babe... I want to help you."_

"_It wasn't even anything until I felt you get out of bed... I was just so tired, and didn't want to get up, so I went back to sleep, and the same nightmares that I've had every night since you went to prison came... And it's so terrible... Jax, I can't be without you anymore."_

"_Babe, I didn't realize leaving you in bed would make such a difference. I'm sorry you've had nightmares all the time I was away. If it makes you feel any better, I won't leave bed unless you're awake too, okay?"_

"_Thank you... I'm sorry Jax."_

"_Don't be sorry... I love you Tara."_

"_I love you more... So so so much more."_

"_Now how about you hop in the shower and get dressed? Abel is watching cartoons and Thomas is lounging in his baby swing."_

"_Alright, I'll be out in a bit."_

**JAX POV**

It scared the hell out of me seeing Tara so freaked out. I guess I never really thought too much on how badly me going away had affected her. When I heard the shower go on, I called Opie's house. Was it really that bad? Lyla answered.

"_Hey Lyla. Can I ask you something?"_

"_Of course. Is everything okay?"_

"_Yeah. Well, kind of. I was taking care of the boys this morning to let Tara sleep in for the first time in 14 months. Well, I went to put the towels away in the bathroom and I heard her crying. I thought she was awake, so I ran in there. But it was worse, she was asleep, and was freaking out all over the place. I got her awake and everything, and she was telling me about her having these terrible nightmares every night when I was away. Is that true?"_

"_Oh God. Yeah Jax. Especially the first week. I stayed with her the entire time. Literally, laid beside her in bed every night because she was entirely beside herself. Then we'd take turns of who would stay over on the futon in the baby's nursery. Chibs, Opie, Piney, Kozik, Gemma and I all did our best. It got better when she kind of got numb to all the sadness she felt. She really only liked Chibs or Opie or I there. But yeah, it would happen every night."_

"_God, that's so terrible. I'll make it up to all of you guys."_

"_She really loves you Jax. She loves you more than I've ever seen someone love someone else. You need to make sure you keep your promise of getting her and your sons out. Opie's trying for that too. If you can't do that, she'll be totally devastated."_

"_Trust me, I am. Thanks for telling me."_

"_Anytime. If you guys would like it, Opie and I are about to take the kids to that diner for lunch. We'd love if you all could join us. Abel really seems to take a liking to us all."_

"_We'll be there. Thanks Lyla."_

"_Yep."_

I hung up. It was way worse than I thought. My poor girl.

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**~This chapter wasn't really planned, but I feel like they never covered any feeling they had with being reunited, or the common difficulties you could expect. I'll update again tomorrow if I get some reviews.. I love them!~**


	9. Chapter 9

**LYLA POV**

I was so worried for Jax and Tara. Tara had such a hard time when he was away, but would do a fantastic job putting on a happy face when she went to visit him. She never wanted Jax to know how weak she got. She was working minimum days at St. Thomas. And whenever she got 6.5 months pregnant, she took early maternity leave and didn't return back to work until little Thomas was 3 months old. She would fill her day with Abel, paperwork at T.M, and visiting with me when I wasn't working. I could tell Opie enjoyed Tara clinging to me as much as she did, because I'd have to cancel a lot of shoots for my movies. Hell, he was happy any time I couldn't make porn. But we all made it work as much as we had to, and now all that was left was to see if Jax was really gonna do his job, and take his family out of cesspool Charming. Opie and I were taking our kids and getting out too. It's not worth the risk, and all 5 kids (Kenny, Ellie, Piper, Abel, and Thomas) deserved to grow up and be raised in a stable environment. We were waiting outside the diner for Jax and Tara to meet us there. When they were pulling into the parking lot, you could see through the windows they were bickering. Opie had just chuckled.

"_Here comes the joyous Tellers."_

We walked over to help them get the boys out of the car. Jax looked like he was miserable, and Tara looked aggravated.

**JAX POV**

The whole damn car ride, Tara was nit-picking every little thing I did. Driving too fast, taking too sharp of turns, the music being too loud, ignoring Abel's mumbles, not holding her hand, getting annoyed when she talked... Every little thing... And by the way, I wasn't ignoring Abel and she didn't even want to hold my hand until the last 2 minutes of the car ride. I just stayed quiet and let her say whatever. She already had a rough morning. Thankfully Opie and Lyla came up to the car to get the boys out so that Tara would lay off of me in front of them.

**OPIE POV**

Once we got the kids all inside and seated, it took every ounce of strength I had to not crack up. We sat in a U-shaped booth. It was me, Ellie, Lyla, Abel, Tara, Thomas, Piper, Kenny then Jax- in that order. Jax and Tara were acting like big babies about their little bicker on the way over. I knew how to break the ice. Force them to be nice.

"_So, Tara, how is it to have Jax back?"_

Jax glared at me like he was going to kill me.

"_He's definitely no mister Mom, that's for sure. I feel safer with him around though. I sleep better. Abel is happier... Thomas too. I'm glad. I just can't wait 'til the day we have the for sale sign in our front yard."_

Lyla grinned.

"_Me neither. Ope is gonna tell Clay tonight we're leaving in two weeks. We don't have a specific place, just out of here."_

"_I can get a job in Oregon. Providence Hospital. That's where the boys and I are going at least. I don't think Jax's head is really in for the end game."_

Shit... This is not what I had anticipated. His face turned pink with anger.

"_My head is in as much as yours is. Don't be so rude to me."_

Lyla tensed up.

"_Jax..."_

"_No Lyla, I get that she went through hell when I was gone. But she wasn't stabbed three times, she didn't have to watch her sons be raised by his best friend and best friend's old lady, she didn't have to sleep with one eye open every night 'cause there was the chance to get murdered, and she also didn't have to walk on eggshells for 14 months so she could get out of prison to be with her family!"_

What a dick. He was really wanting to do this over lunch, in front of all our kids?

"_Jax, come on brother, let's go take a smoke break."_

"_No, you guys don't have to go, I'm gonna take my boys home. I'm sick of this shit," _Tara stood up and threw a ring out of her pocket at Jax before she continued on., _"you know, why give me the ring if you can't keep your promise to me? I rather go to Oregon alone with the boys then be trapped with you now."_

We moved out of her way so she could take the boys home. Jax just sat there with his fists clenched. So much for a nice lunch.

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**~Reviews before I update again!~**


	10. Chapter 10

**JAX POV**

I was so frustrated. She flipped out on me, but if I do it back, giving her a taste of her own medicine, she runs away. Runs from her troubles just like she always has. I finished lunch with Opie, Lyla, and their kids, then we dropped Lyla and the kids off at their house so that Opie could drive me home. When I got there, Tara's car wasn't there. At first I just thought maybe she went to see Gemma or stopped by St. Thomas to get a few things. I went to change my clothes when I noticed a good chunk of Tara's clothes were missing. Plus all her things in the bathroom were gone. I went into Abel's room. His pillow, stuffed frog, and a bunch of his toys and clothes were gone too. Flames of rage were flowing through my veins by the time I made it to Thomas's room to see most of his things were gone too. I walked into the kitchen to find a note on the table.

* * *

_Jax-_

_I told you we needed to get out. We already had Abel stolen once, with that being the club's fault. Isn't that enough? I won't let our sons grow up around all the drugs, alcohol, and violence. You witnessed first hand how damaging the life can be to a family. I told you to get out, but your head isn't in there for the end game. You don't want to, or even care to get out. You don't give a shit about anything or anyone unless its SAMCRO. That's not me, and that's not our boys. I guess 14 months apart from each other wasn't enough for you to realize that. You just keep doing what you want, I guess. I'll meet you at TM at noon on Friday so you can get the boys for the weekend. _

_Love,_

_T_

* * *

What the fuck. Was she really that mad? She was so wrong. I do care to get out. But it takes time, and there is a process to it. The flames of rage grew hotter and stronger in my veins. I ran outside. Surely a long ride could help clear my mind. I got my helmet on, and went to start my motorcycle when I had just realized that wouldn't fix anything. Tara walked out on me with the boys. Now what was I supposed to do? Self sulk? Move on? Surely I'd never be able to do that. Tara was the one for me. I needed to be with her. If it meant moving away from Charming, leaving SAMCRO, doing whatever she wanted me to, I'd do it.. Nothing is worth losing my boys and old lady. I had to create a plan for the end game. What would it take to get her back with me? I walked back inside and walked to the hall, getting a box out of the attic I had put in there yesterday afternoon when Tara was in the shower. All the journals I kept in prison, the pictures she had gave me, Abel's drawings he colored for me to have, and the plan I had envisioned while being locked up.

**~Soooooo... Thanks to a good friend of mine, I have a good plan for the next 4 chapters or so, and they may be short, but they'll be up fast. Reviews please!~**


	11. Chapter 11

**TARA POV**

It had been three weeks since I had moved out with the boys. Jax hadn't even attempt to talk to me about things. I found myself growing bitter towards him. I knew I was the one that had broke up with him, but he claimed for so long that he loved me and would do anything to be with me. I was only 5 god damned minutes from his house since I was staying at my dad's. Not once since being there had I heard a motorcycle. He must of really stopped caring. Did this mean he was completely done with me? Was he fucking some other chick? Was it Ima? I'd kill the bitch if it was. As far as people in Charming knew, Jax was still mine. I missed him a lot. But since I had called it quits, I never had those nightmares. I resumed life just as I did when Jax was in prison. I worked, had Gemma or Lyla watch the boys, and frequently would have Lyla over with the kids for dinner when Ope had things to do with the club. On this particular day, I had just gotten back to my dad's house with the boys after our normal trade off at T.M. Abel was with Jax for the entire week while Thomas had just gone for the weekend. I made Abel's favorite meal as his return home. I missed my boy so much. That was the longest I had gone without seeing him since we got him back from Belfast. Abel sat at the table eating shrimp and macaroni, talking about normal kid things. He was so cute.

"_Abel, how was Daddy's house?"_

"_It's so cool Momma! My woom is da best! It has my aminals all over and Daddy even bought me new aminals!"_

Jax must have redone his room. It sounded cute though. Abel had taken a strong liking to different stuff animals and already had at least 50 of them.

"_Did you help him with Thomas?"_

"_Well... Dadda had Aunt Lyla stay wif us 'cause hims was doin' uder fings. He had to go buy fings for his woom and for Thomas woom."_

"_Wow buddy, seems like Daddy has been changing the whole house since I moved here."_

"_Dadda got us a pool for da backyad, 'cept him gotta put fence by it 'cause Thomas is so widdo."_

"_Abel, the backyard isn't big enough for a pool, baby."_

"_It's dere Momma. Daddy show me."_

"_Okay love. Finish eating and then we'll lay in Momma's bed and watch Cars, okay?"_

"_Yes mommy."_

Jax must have really moved on. Redoing the house so there is no trace of me... How sweet of him. Sounds more like he's turning it to a bachelor's pad if you ask me since he's changing up the bedroom and getting a pool put in. I got both boys fed and bathed before snuggling up with them in my bed. I couldn't help but look over in the bathroom door entry way. That's where Kohn was shot in the head, and that's the night we had sex for the first time since being reunited. The place I came to escape to was still filled with Jax memories. Would this ever get easy?

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**~Let me know what yall think.. Please leave me a review and I'll have another two chapters done tomorrow.~**


	12. Chapter 12

**JAX POV**

I had spent the past month and a half fixing up the greatest surprise I could imagine for Tara. Playing it off like I had moved on was definitely hard. I still got Abel for a full week every other week, and Thomas every other weekend. Abel and I got to be really close, but he was still a momma's boy. It was hard for Thomas to be away from Tara for a long time since she was still nursing him. She would only be able to pump two days worth of milk before running out, so usually I'd pick him up Friday night and drop him off Sunday morning. It was so hard to not being with her. I just wanted to be able to hug her, and kiss her, and tell her everything was alright. I wanted to hold her close in my arms at night, and wake up with her beautiful sleeping face greeting me. Gemma had been getting onto me about taking too much time with the surprise. She said Tara was moving on, and making plans for getting a house all the way near the California-Oregon border. She had dropped the boys off with me earlier in the morning since she had work. I spent a few hours with them at T.M before handing them off to Gemma for the day. It was time for the reveal. Hopefully this would be enough to keep Tara with me as I started the process of leaving the club. I drove to St. Thomas since that's where she was. I made the familiar walk to her office. She was sitting in there discussing some paperwork with Margaret Murphy. I cleared my throat for them to notice me.

"_Can I speak with Tara?"_

"_Yeah sure. Tara if you need me, I'll be with Dr. Cho in her office."_

"_Got it, thanks Margaret."_

Once Margaret walked out, I shut the door then walked over and sat in one of the chairs by her desk.

"_Tara, I have something I need to show you."_

"_Jax, there's nothing left for us."_

"_This is going to change your mind, I promise."_

"_No. You've moved on, I'm moving on."_

"_Babe, I haven't moved on. I've been going in the total opposite direction of that actually."_

"_Bullshit. You haven't even cared to talk or try to be with me."_

I was getting more and more desperate the more she resisted. Was she serious? Maybe Gemma was right- I took too long. Was this all a waste? I couldn't believe I was going to lose her.

"_Tara, look at me babe. Look at my eyes. I need to show you this. If you are still unhappy when you see it, then I won't bother you ever again. Please Tara, just one last chance. Come with me."_

"_Fine. I'll give you three hours. But then you need to bring me back here."_

"_Yeah, sure."_

Of course it'd take more than three hours for all this, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I loosely held her hand as we walked to the parking lot. I gave her her helmet, then I put mine on. She got on behind me, and I felt her wrap her arms tight around my stomach. I missed that feeling so much. Nerves were running through my body. My hands were so shaky. I had one chance for this. I hesitated pulling out of the parking lot. I was so stressed, so stressed, and so nervous. One last shot with the woman I've loved since I was 16.

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**~Okay, this one wasn't really gonna come until tomorrow but I wanted to write more. Please leave me a review so that I can upload another two chapters tomorrow.~**


	13. Chapter 13

**TARA POV**

We had been riding for about 20-30 minutes. The sun was getting ready to go down. My resistant attitude turned to curious. He wouldn't tell me where we were heading to, just that we were getting closer. About 5 minutes after getting off the interstate, we turned into a nice subdivision- Charming Hills. After taking two left turns, and one right turn, we pulled up to a beautiful house. Jax parked us in the driveway. There was a silver Ford 250 parked in the driveway with a temporary tag. I got off the Harley and handed him my helmet.

"_Jax, what are we doing here? Who's house is this?"_

He hung both helmets on the handlebars then puts his arm around my shoulders.

"_Yours, babe."_

"_What! Are you kidding me?"_

"_No Tara. I told you I was getting out. It can't happen instantly, but it's a start."_

"_Jax, I don't know about this."_

Tears stung my eyes. The house was so beautiful. A nice brick faced house with tan siding. It was two stories.

"_Tara, just listen. Let me show you the house. It's yours regardless of if you want me there or not. It's completely paid off and furnished. I sold the house in Charming. I figured there were too many bad memories in that house, and I wanted to start fresh. This is the last shot we have. If this doesn't work, then I'll leave you alone forever. It's time for our family to leave Charming. You and the boys are completely out now. I'm finishing up with SAMCRO, but then I'm right with you guys, but that is only if you want me to be."_

I let the tears escape.

"_I-I can't believe you d-did this for me."_

"_You haven't even seen the inside yet."_

He wiped my tears away and gave me a smile before taking my hand and leading me in. As soon as you walked in the door, there was the stairs to the right, a dining room before that, an office area to the left and through the hallway was the kitchen and living room. The kitchen was so beautiful. Dark granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, pictures of us all over the walls. The living room had a big sectional sofa, a huge flat screen TV, and toy bins for Abel and Thomas. He led me to the dining room that had a table for six there. Then he led me upstairs to Thomas's new room. It was so precious. It had a dinosaur theme to it. Then next door was Abel's bedroom. It looked like a zoo in there. He had his table he'd always color at and a huge collection of stuff animals in there. Abel must of picked out everything in there. Then there was the boys' bathroom. Jax led me into an empty room.

"_Why did you leave this one empty?"_

"_It's for a nursery later on if we want a third baby. Maybe another kid would be like the permanent glue for us if we get back together."_

"_I like the sound of that."_

"_Now I'll show you our bathroom first."_

He covered up my eyes and led me through our room to the bathroom. It was huge. His and Hers sinks, a freestanding tub, huge shower, and everything else you could imagine. I loved it all. He showed me our bedroom. It was so warm and inviting. The walls were a deep blue-green color, and our bedding was the color of milk chocolate. We had a new bed and dresser. Everything was perfect in there.

"_Jax, I love it. You did a great job."_

"_Thanks... But now we need to talk."_

"_I-I know."_

_"If this isn't enough for you, and this doesn't make you happy, if you don't think this is the perfect place to raise our sons, then I'll never ask you to be with me again. Because I love you, and I need that love to go both ways. I will not manipulate you back into my arms." _

"_No, Jax it does. It's is so perfect for us and for our boys. This is amazing. I love you Jackson. I want to be with you."_

"_Good. Now, I'll ask you again since last time kind of got ruined. I did all this for you to show my promise to get us out is legit. I'm getting out babe. Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife? For me to love and protect you and our sons for the rest of forever?"_

"_Yes. Oh god, yes Jax."_

He slid the ring back on my finger before pinning me down on the bed, kissing me deeply. Layer after layers of clothes came off before we broke in our new bed in the most romantic and loving style, not stopping until we both got our release. Home would be wherever Jax was.

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**~Reviews please please please please~**


	14. Chapter 14

**JAX POV**

It had been a week since we all got moved into the new house. Abel would be starting preschool which he'd be at 3 days a week for 5 hours- Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. That was plenty of schooling for a 2 year old. Tara was able to schmooze the boys' way into the daycare at her hospital she'd be working at, so Mondays and Fridays when Abel wasn't at his preschool, he was able to be in the daycare with Thomas there everyday. I'd still be making my daily or every other day commutes back to Charming for work at T.M and other club things. I had spent the day at home with the boys while Tara worked, but she was able leave work early and meet us at the preschool for Abel's orientation. I wasn't in the best of moods when I got there. Some asshole nearly ran the boys and I off the road, speeding. They took us a tour of the place. It was a pretty good preschool with a 4:1 student-teacher ratio. There would be 8 people in his class. He got two teachers- Mrs. Melody and Ms. Annie. They seemed like nice girls, but it made Tara very jealous when they'd gaze at me. They'd blush anytime I'd talk, and Tara would just hold my hand tighter. When we left there, Abel insisted on riding with Momma. I already had Thomas' car seat in my truck, so we each took one boy and headed home. Tara followed behind me. I could see her and Abel singing his nursery rhymes in the car through the back window. When the red light turned green, I went go and made it to the middle of the intersection before I heard car brakes screeching. I looked to the left of me to see the hood of an SUV right outside then everything went black.

**TARA POV**

I was playing around with Abel when the light turned green. I began to go behind Jax's truck when out of the corner of my eye, I saw this white SUV hauling ass. I knew it'd blow straight through the light. You could hear the metal crunch and glass fly everywhere. I slammed on the brakes, parked the car, and ran over to the truck. I could hear Thomas crying before I was even close to it. I unlocked the door from the inside (no glass was on the drivers side where he was, behind Jax's seat), and I got him out. He had no cuts or bruises, he was just scared. My poor baby boy. I handed Thomas to a woman who came to help. She looked homeless, in fact I swear I recognized her, like I knew her from somewhere, but I couldn't think of that right now, I had to see if Jax was okay. When I looked in his part, he was out cold against the steering wheel, in a very uncomfortable manner. The seat-belt had locked up in an awkward spot, and you could see blood coming from Jax's face. The witnesses must have called the ambulance because within minutes one was there, and could get him out. I was fighting the tears back. I couldn't lose him. Not now. They told us they would have to examine him at the hospital to know the extent of his injuries, and that I needed to follow. I got Thomas from the lady, and buckled into my car. Abel was asking 500 questions, but I snapped at him to be quiet. I didn't mean to, but I needed to focus on Jax.

**JAX POV**

I woke up as they were lifting me into the back of the ambulance. They had placed me in a neck brace, even though it wasn't even hurt. I had to see Tara. And Thomas. Was he okay? What all had happened?

"_I-I need to speak with my fiance. S-Stop the ambulance."_

It was hurting to breath. I must have cracked a rib or two.

"_She's behind us right now. Mr. Teller, you need to relax. You were in an accident. Your truck is totaled, but the guy who did it already gave Tara and the cop his insurance info. You should be able to get it replaced tomorrow."_

"_I don't give a shit about the damn truck. My son. Is the baby okay? Thomas..."_

"_The baby was unharmed. Scared and upset, but not a single scratch. He was very lucky."_

"_Oh thank you God."_

They got me to the hospital, and I saw Tara park as close as she could get to the entrance. She pulled both boys out of the car, locking it as she ran inside. They'd make her wait in the waiting room at first so they could examine me.

**TARA POV**

Fucking hospital. Even though I had all the proof in the world I had relations to Jax, they wouldn't let me back there to see him. Was Jax alright? Was he in surgery? Was he even alive? I sat with the boys in the waiting room for 15 minutes before the doctor came out.

"_Is Jax okay? Please tell me."_

"_Yes, Mr. Teller is doing fine. He busted his eyebrow open, that's where the blood was coming from. And he cracked one of his right ribs, but besides that, everything is okay. We got his eyebrow stitched up, and treated the burn on his collarbone from the seat-belt. Besides a little whiplash, he is good to go. We prescribed him with some painkillers, which should help with everything."_

"_Oh my... Thank you so much."_

"_Of course. You may go back and see him now. Room 23-B."_

I carried the boys into the room, and he was sitting up on the bed.

"_Tara, before you flip out, I am fine. I promise."_

"_God Jax... It was so scary."_

"_I know baby. But I'm just glad Thomas is okay. Let me hold him, please."_

I handed Thomas to him and he held him close in his arms, avoiding the cracked rib.

"_My precious baby boy... Daddy is so sorry. I love you so much son."_

My eyes got watery. Jax was so worried about just Thomas. Not himself, not the car... It was nice to see that.

"_Jax, they said you are discharged. I'll take you home baby. We can figure out the truck deal later. Our boys need a nap, and you need to relax. I'll call Gemma and tell her you won't be riding to Charming any time soon."_

"_I love you Tara. More than anything. I'm sorry it happened."_

"_Don't apologize baby. It wasn't your fault at all. I'm just so relieved you and Thomas are okay."_

We left the hospital and I drove home slow, making sure we held hands the entire way. Thinking I nearly lost both him and my baby definitely scared the hell out of me.

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**~So, this didn't turn out how I had expected... Anyways, review please! I've put up 5 chapters in 2 days, I think I'll take tomorrow off.~**


	15. Chapter 15

**JAX POV**

Another two weeks had gone by since the accident. I was pretty much healed except a bit of tenderness where my rib had cracked. I got my truck replaced with another F-250, except this one was a darkish blue like Tara's Ford Edge. I couldn't ride until all the tenderness went away so I'd drive my truck to Charming days Tara worked. Clay was getting frustrated with me since "I wasn't doing my job as V.P" since I wasn't riding, and my daily commute was 30 minutes on a good day. I spent the morning and afternoon at T.M before driving back home. Tara was supposed to be work until 6 that evening, so when I got home at 5, I was surprised to see her car there. Was she okay? Maybe one of the boys got sick. I walked inside to find her in the kitchen with the boys, making dinner. I made my way over to her for a sweet kiss.

"_Hey babe. How was work?"_

"_It was long. How's your rib today?"_

"_A bit better. Still sore. Why are you home so early?"_

"_Oh, uh, I was just tired. Plus I'm off for the weekend so I thought I'd leave a little earlier."_

"_You okay?"_

"_I think so."_

I sat down beside Abel, playing with him and his little plastic animals at the table. Once dinner was ready, we all sat and ate together before giving the boys a bath, and laying on our couch all together. Tara seemed on edge.

"_Tara, what's wrong babe? Please tell me."_

"_Do you really want to know?"_

"_Of course. What's the matter?"_

"_Nothing is wrong, and nothing is the matter. I'll be right back."_

She walked upstairs then came back down a minute later, with an envelope in her hand. She gave it to me.

"_What is this Tara?" _

I opened it up to find pictures from an ultrasound.

"_I'm twelve weeks along Jax. I'm pregnant."_

"_Really? Baby that's great!"_

"_I know. It really is. Thank God you kept that third bedroom empty."_

"_Oh yes, definitely."_

"_I guess it happened the day you got out. Before we split."_

"_Tara you don't seem happy about it."_

"_Well I was scared. Jax, I don't know if I can do it again..."_

"_Do what?"_

"_Being pregnant... Having another kid... We have such busy lives already... You're still trying to get out, and I'm trying to find some balance with you, our boys, and work."_

"_Tara, do you remember when you spilled your guts to me in the hallway when Abel was just a baby? You said playing house wasn't gonna be enough, then you said you'd want a baby or two. Well look, we have Abel, I gave you Thomas, and now we're about to have a third. You're getting what you've always wanted."_

"_I know baby, I know. I'm sorry. I sound so ungrateful."_

"_You're fine babe. Plus, I'm gonna be here this time. Through the entire pregnancy, every ultrasound and doctor's appointment. I'm with you every step of the way."_

"_I know. I love you Jackson. With all my heart and soul."_

"_I've loved you since I was 16, babe. Nothing will ever change that."_

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**~So, this short and sweet little chapter was a spur of the moment kind of thing. Please leave a review!~~~~ P.S a hint for the next chapter: SAMSAC**


	16. Chapter 16

**JAX POV**

I came back from work the next afternoon totally exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. I was talking to Clay about what I needed to do to get out of SAMCRO. Nothing. There was nothing I could do without being killed.

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Flashback:

"_Clay. I have to get out. I have two little boys. I need to be alive for them. I can't keep getting locked up. I miss out on too much of their lives... And I got Tara too."_

"_You aren't gonna bail out now. Don't turn weak and whipped like your father."_

"_You're more like a father to me. Please Clay. I need to protect my family. Bobby or Tig can have V.P."_

"_No. You're in this club for life whether you like it or not. Quit being a little bitch and get back to work."_

End flashback

* * *

I had a solution, but I'd have to talk with Tara about it before I say anything to the club. I made it inside to see her leaning against the kitchen counter, with her head in her hands. Thomas was bouncing up and down in his bouncer and Abel was running around all over the place.

"_Babe, you okay?"_

"_The boys have been bad all day. Thomas won't nap, Abel is all hyped up. I've thrown up 4 times today with morning sickness... I just want to relax..."_

"_Okay, Tara, I got the boys. Just go lay down for a bit... I'll be up there soon."_

"_Oh god... Thank you."_

"_I love you babe. Everything is okay."_

"_I love you too."_

I sat down with Abel and Thomas on the couch while I fed Thomas a bottle.

"_Abel, you need to listen to Mommy."_

"_I do Daddy."_

"_Well she isn't feeling good today. Her tummy hurts. So it's hard for her to keep telling you to calm down."_

"_I sawwy."_

"_Okay buddy. You and Thomas are going to go nap. Mommy and Daddy will be too."_

"_Aww but daddy."_

"_No buts Abel. Nap time, now."_

He puffed out his bottom lip and pouted his way upstairs to his room. I tucked him in with a kiss before doing the same with Thomas. As long as Thomas was warm, had a clean diaper, and had a pacifier, he'd be good just laying there until he fell asleep. I walked into the bedroom with Tara just laying there, looking up at the ceiling. I took my shoes and kutte off, and laid next to her in bed.

"_Both boys are down for a nap..."_

"_They must like you better, they actually listen to you."_

I couldn't help but laugh. She was so funny when she's tired.

"_It has nothing to do with liking a parent better. You just have to be firm with them, that's all."_

"_I'll remember that next time..."_

"_I spoke with Clay today about getting out and what I had to do to get that far."_

"_And?"_

"_Well, there isn't anything I can do to get out without being killed. He started to say I was turning into J.T- whipped and weak. That's not the case. I tried to explain my want to get out... You and our boys. He said I'm in for life."_

Tears pooled behind her eyes.

"_Jax..."_

"_No.. Listen. I came up with an idea."_

"_Oh god."_

"_It's a good one. Tomorrow morning in church, I'll bring out a vote. A new charter. SAMSAC..._ _Sacramento baby. The long drives there and back will be gone. I can get people from any chapter to come. We'll set up shop here."_

"_Jax... I can't have you back inside jail. Gun running is gonna kill us."_

"_No babe. No illegal shit. Like J.T said, it'll be a Harley compound. A brotherhood that bikes together. No guns or anything. I know I promised you I'd get out, but if I totally leave, Clay will have me killed."_

"_No one is going to move from Charming to Sacramento..."_

"_Opie is already on board. Any choice I make, he backs 110%. There is one person. Chibs is loyal to me, not Clay, there's two. Kozik can come... You'd be surprised babe. I just need you to be okay with this. It's what is best for our family."_

"_If that's the only way you can get out of Charming without being killed, fine."_

I knew it'd take some time for her to really be okay with it, but she didn't seem totally opposed to it either.

"_Clay won't hurt me. I'll be away from him and Gemma... From all the guns and shit. I'm as out as I can be. This is gonna be good for us."_

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**~Review please... I may have another chapter up later, but not tonight.~**


	17. Chapter 17

**JAX POV**

It was the day to vote in SAMSAC... Clay was talking to me beforehand and warned me that no one would want to join, at least if they had common sense. He just knew people would want to come with me. Opie was already on board and was ready to move to Sacramento. Lyla promised him she'd get out of porn if they moved away from Charming, so it was really important this vote passed through. We waited for everyone to get in for church. Once we closed the doors and got started, nerves tingled all through my body. This was my final shot.

"_Okay, as you can tell, there's been some tension with me and Clay lately. It's impossible to have a family here AND do all the illegal shit that gets you locked up. I have two little boys with another baby on the way, it's time for me to retire from all the things that could get me arrested. I know Opie feels the same about his kids and Lyla. So this is my idea. SAMSAC... Sacramento Sons... That's where I got Tara and the boys out at, and the daily commute isn't reasonable. Anyone wanting to come is more than welcome to. Clay said I need at least four people for it to be established. I'll be going out tomorrow to find a good location for Teller-Winston auto repair... I'd be President obviously... And Opie would be my V.P..."_

"_I think this is all bullshit, but it has to be a majority vote. We'll vote first for SAMSAC then anyone wanting to join Jax the Prince can go with him."_

I hated when Clay called me Prince. What a dickhead.

"_Okay, all in favor of Sacramento Sons... Yay or nay."_

"_Nay" -Clay_

"_Yay." -Jax_

"_Nay." -Tig_

"_Nay." -Happy_

"_Yay."-Kozik_

"_Nay." -Juice_

"_Yay." -Chibs_

"_Yay." -Piney_

"_Yay." -Opie_

Clay's face turned beet red with anger and he growled before speaking up.

"_5-4 yay. Good riddance you weak, whipped piece of shit."_

I could take that. Just let him say whatever the hell he wanted to, because I'm out.

"_So, raise your hand if you're going to the Sacramento charter with me."_

I looked around the room. Opie, Piney, Chibs, and Kozik would be coming with me. Us five guys got up and cut off our Redwood patches, and any position patches, along with our California one on the back. I'd go to a shop tomorrow and get Sacramento ones. I couldn't wait to get home and tell Tara. We walked out of church and Opie, Chibs, Kozik, Piney and I all gathered around my bike.

"I got to head back to my girl. Her pregnant temper doesn't last long with the boys. I'm gonna go out tomorrow to get the new patches, and find a place to set up shop. There are some nice apartments not too far from mine and Tara's house, and a few good houses in the neighborhood.

**TARA POV**

I was spending a nice day at home with my boys. We played around in the backyard and watched Monsters Inc.. My baby bump was almost noticeable to a clear eye now. Of course Jax and I saw it. He'd see me daily in the shower, or during any nightly activities. Abel was excited to be a big brother again. He kept asking if it was a boy or a girl. I was hoping it'd be a girl. I was drowning in testosterone. I had just laid both boys down for a nap around 1:30 so I could straight up the house. Jax was to be home any time now. The door bell rang so I thought maybe Jax had forgotten his key. I opened the door, and there was Wendy, all strung out on crank. Her hair was greasy and matted, her arms and hands had tracks all up and down them. She looked like she just broke out of the mental institution.

"_I-I need Abel."_

"_Wendy, get out of here. You're high"_

"_HE'S MY GOD DAMNED SON!"_

"_He is asleep. Shut up. You need to go home."_

"_Not without my son! Give him back you stupid bitch!"_

"_You gave me custody. Jax and I are getting married, he's going to be permanently mine. Leave now Wendy. Before Jax gets home and he does something to you."_

"_I'm not scared of him! We were married!"_

"_Were... That's the keyword. How did you even get our address?"_

"_Your good pal Margaret Murphy." _

She was trying to shove her way through the front door.

"_One last warning Wendy Case... Go away, now!"_

"_Abel!"_

She shoved me and ran for the stairs. I ran and yanked her back by her hair, punching her in the mouth before it turned into a full out brawl... I was so sick of this stupid bitch always getting in the way and stirring up drama for me and Jax.

**JAX POV**

I got home with Opie and Chibs following behind me. I saw a car I recognized- Wendy. Shit... Something must of happened. The front door was wide open, and you could hear banging and yelling.

"Shit.. Guys! It's Wendy!"

We ran inside to see them totally beating the shit out of each other. Well, at least Tara was beating the hell out of Wendy. It was pretty hot to see her doing that, but I had to get them apart. Wendy could punch Tara in the stomach, and she could lose the baby. Opie helped me pry the girls apart. We held them both in a straight jacket in our arms.

"_Jax! She's trying to get Abel!"_

"_Opie, get that crazy bitch outside. Get her out of here. Call a tow truck for her car, dump her off somewhere.. I've never seen her so strung out."_

I let go of Tara once Wendy was out.

"_Tara, what the hell happened?"_

"_Your fucking crazy ex, that's what!" _

She ran upstairs to our room and through to the bathroom before locking the door. I'd give her a minute to cool off. Chibs helped me clean up the destruction in the front area. There was broken picture frames, broken vases, and random things all over the place, plus some blood stains froom Wendy's face and Lord knows what else. I helped with most of the clean up before Chibs sent me away to go try to calm Tara. When I got up there, she was fresh out of the shower, brushing her hair. She had a puffy lip and some scratch marks on her chest and neck, and her knuckles were red from punching Wendy over and over again. She looked at me with an ashamed expression on her face.

"_Babe..."_

"_It wasn't my fault Jax..."_

"_What happened?"_

"_She came over, demanding to get Abel. I told her no repeatedly, and told her to leave before you got home. Then she shoved me and tried to run up the stairs. I grabbed her hair and yanked her back down. We were going back and forth for a good 2-3 minutes before you got here. The baby should be fine. She never hit my stomach."_

"_Tara, you beat the hell out of her..."_

"_Is that a problem? Jax I'm defending our family! Our son!"_

"_Shhh.. Baby, I know. Relax."_

"_I'm not losing Abel again"_

"_You won't have to. She's just some stupid junkie who will probably overdose any day."_

"_What did Clay say? How did the vote go?"_

I sat back again the bed, and pulled her between my legs so I could wrap my arms around her and hold her close.

"_Well, it passed. I'll have Opie, Chibs, Piney and Kozik with me. I'll start looking for a place to set up shop tomorrow. I'm out of Charming babe. We're totally out."_

"_God, I love you Jackson."_

"_I love you too Tara."_

"_I'm so glad you're out of Charming."_

"_Me too. I told you I promised we'd get out. Even though you doubted me more times than I liked, I did it."_

"_I know, it's crazy. For once you kept a promise."_

I put my hands on her stomach, gently lifting up her shirt to see her little bump. Tara had totally relaxed in my arms. I put my head in the crook of her neck, and we just sat there in silence, deep in our own thoughts. No scent was more relaxing than Tara's. It was like baby powder and vanilla. No wonder why Abel and Thomas stopped crying best in her arms.

"_Not gonna lie, seeing you totally dominate over Wendy, beating the shit out of her... It was so hot. I was totally turned on."_

Tara giggled.

"_Only you would find something savage like that attractive. You're such a classy man."_

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**~Let me know what you all think. Review so that I can update again. :) ~**


	18. Chapter 18

**TARA POV**

I woke up earlier than normal the next day. Jax was still asleep. My red knuckles had bruised all up, my skin was so tender from Wendy digging into me, and my right wrist looked swollen and was hurting pretty bad but thankfully my puffy lip was back to normal. I didn't like how my skin looked with the scratches on it. I looked like Wendy- I mean like white trash. I shuffled my way out of Jax's warm, loving embrace, long enough to get one of his t-shirts on to cover the scratches up, but he started to stir a bit, patting the bed, trying to find me. He knew I wasn't in his arms. I crawled back in bed and underneath the covers. He felt me there, and pulled me back to him, although he woke up.

"_Mornin'."_

"_Morning baby. Sleep well?"_

"_Mmm sure. Got cold?"_

He was looking down at his t-shirt I was wearing.

"_Not really. The scratches from yesterday look worse today."_

"_Can I see?"_

"_It's embarrassing and ugly."_

"_Yeah, so are my scars from getting stabbed. You see them on a regular basis."_

"_Ugh, fine."_

He gently lifted my shirt up and saw the swollen tenderness around each scratch.

"_Jesus Christ Tara."_

"_I told you."_

"_It's not ugly. Makes Wendy look like even more of a psychotic bitch then I already thought she was."_

"_Yeah, I guess so."_

"_You guys must of really gone at it."_

"_If you think that's bad..."_

I held my hands out for him to see the bruises on my knuckles.

"_Babe, you can't go into work. Not until you heal."_

"_I know."_

"_I'm gonna tell Opie and Chibs to come up tomorrow instead of today. I want to stay here and keep an eye on you and help you with the boys."_

"_I'd love that."_

"_Okay, you go downstairs and relax on the couch. I'll warm up those rice bags to put on your hands to soothe everything some."_

"_I need it for my wrist though. I think I may have sprained it."_

"_Tara. You need to go to the doctors. Plus I think we still need to get you checked to make sure the baby is okay."_

"_I hate doctors."_

He cracked up.

"_Babe, you are one."_

"_I'm not going alone."_

"_I'll get the boys up. We'll have breakfast then go. Maybe do a little bit of shopping. Abel starts pre-school in two days."_

"_Shit! It totally slipped my mind. Yeah, we need to get him some new clothes and a backpack"_

"_Okay, then let's get ready."_

"_I have to shower... I need help shampooing my hair."_

Jax smirked at me and then cupped my cheek.

"_Turns out I need a shower too. Let's do some teamwork, shall we? Plus we're kids free until the monitors go off. Who knows what kind of mommy-daddy fun we can have 'til then."_

**JAX POV**

After Tara and I had our shower festivities and ate breakfast and got the boys fed, we headed out the door to the doctor's office. They gave Tara an ultrasound. The baby had a very strong heartbeat thankfully. Then we went to another area in the doctor's office for them to x-ray her wrist. Turns out if was in fact sprained, so they gave her a splint to wear. That means she couldn't do any surgeries until it healed, so she'd be at home for a while. After we left there, we went to the department store. We picked Abel out some cute school clothes, and a froggy backpack. Then of course he picked out another two stuff animals for his ginormous collection.

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**~I purposely made this chapter short. Please leave a review telling me what you think! I'll update plenty tomorrow!~**


	19. Chapter 19

**JAX POV**

Tuesday was Abel's first day of preschool. Tara had been an emotional wreck all morning when we were getting him ready. He got into a cute plaid shirt and some jeans, and Tara had trimmed his hair. Since it was a big day for him, I made him pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse. We drove him to school with Thomas in tow. When we pulled into the parking lot, I looked at Tara like we were in a foreign country all of a sudden.

"_Babe, who would've thought some outlaw biker would end up in a preschool parking lot."_

Tara was not in the mood for jokes.

"_One who is a good daddy now before he is a biker."_

"_Alright, I'll joke with you later grumpy gills."_

I parked far away from the entrance so Tara and I could walk with him hand and hand. Once I got Thomas out on my hip, I held Abel's little hand. Well in a way. His hand could only fit around three of my fingers. When we made it inside and to his little classroom, right away he ran to hang his backpack on his hook, then got to playing with a random little boy. Of course that just about crushed Tara's heart. Her eyes got all watery and she just got Thomas from me and hugged him close. I walked over to Abel.

"_Hey buddy, before you get to playing, how about you come say goodbye to me and Mommy?"_

"_Otay Daddy, I guess so."_

I picked him up and carried him over by Tara. I hugged him close.

"_I love you son. Be good for your teachers and Mommy and I will be back later to pick you up. If you're good, we can go out for ice cream after."_

"_Otay Daddy! I be good. I wove you too."_

Tara and I traded off boys. She gave him a good squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

"_Please be good baby. Your teachers are in charge of you, so you need to listen. Daddy and I will be here as soon as school ends. Behave please."_

"_I pomise I will Mommy. Have fun wif brudder."_

"_Oh we will. Bye baby."_

"_Bye Mommy. Bye Daddy."_

She set him down and he ran off again. She just sighed and picked up her purse. When we got home, I told her I needed to go to the property Opie and I bought yesterday. We were meeting with a contractor to discuss the structure and layout for the new place. She wanted to come with, so we just loaded back up into the car with Thomas. It was strange just the three of us. A certain feeling I can't explain. It was the Mommy, Daddy, and our full biological son. I wonder if Tara ever thought she'd maybe be overstepping boundaries with Abel as far as punishing him or stuff like that. Of course none of that mattered to me if Abel wasn't hers by blood, she was Abel's mom. Not that junkie whore who just got her ass beat. When we made it to the place, we sat in the car waiting for Chibs and Opie to get there. They showed up 5 minutes later, so we got out, and walked around on the lot. It had a fairly decent size. Enough for a big clubhouse and a big garage- all we needs for SAMSAC. Tara's phone rang so she got back in the car to talk privately. We carried on planning for a little bit until Tara got out, and was upset. I excused myself and walked over to her.

"_What's wrong? Who was that on the phone?"_

"_Abel's teachers... They say he won't listen and keeps trying to play when they're doing nap time and story time."_

"_He's just a little boy. They need to realize that."_

"_Yeah, well they told us we needed to come get him since he was "disrupting other kids learning"... And that we can try again tomorrow. If it's that hard for him already within the first two hours of his first day, he can just stay home with me and go to the daycare at the hospital."_

"_Tara, this is good for him. He needs to be in school."_

"_Not at two years old he doesn't. The daycare is better. He's used to the workers there, and it's more free-spirited than the structure of his school."_

"_He'll have to get used to it at some point."_

"_He doesn't though. Coming from the man who dropped out of high school, I don't think it's your place to try to force anyone to stay in school."_

"_Tara, I went back and got my damn G.E.D... I won't let our boys relive my mistakes. He's staying in school and that's final."_

"_Bullshit. I'm getting Abel. And he isn't going back. You can't boss me around. I'm not two years old. I'm not your club members. I'm your fiance... Your kids' mother. Have some respect asshole."_

She went to get into the car.

"_Tara, just wait. I'll come with you."_

I walked over to where Opie, Chibs, and the contractor were talking.

"_Sorry guys, I got to go. Trouble with my boy at preschool."_

"_Jackie boy, let me talk to you for a second."_

We walked away from Opie, and by the car.

"_What is it, Chibs?"_

"_You are the owner of this property. You need to be here for this."_

"_My son is getting in trouble at his school, and Tara is upset with that and pissed at me. I got out of Charming to fix my broken family, and this is a time where I am needed. You and Opie can deal with it. I trust you both."_

"_You're getting soft."_

"_God dammit Chibs. If Fiona and Kerrianne were here, anytime they'd be upset, you'd leave to be with them. Stop trying to guilt me into things."_

"_I get your point, Prince."_

He shoved me. He got me so mad, but I had too much respect for him to do anything about it. Whatever, I had to go be with my family.

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**~Reviews before I update.~**


	20. Chapter 20

**TARA POV**

Two months had passed... Abel stayed out of preschool since the first day, and so I had both boys with me at the hospital in daycare. I was about six and a half months pregnant. We found out two weeks ago we'd be expecting a girl so we decided to name her Mackenzie Nicole Teller. Phil, Ratboy, and V-Lin from Charming joined SAMSAC, and finally the clubhouse and garage were all built. Opie and Jax were nice enough to add a playground onto the lot, and a trailer for me and Lyla to have some of our things on. We were the matriarchs of SAMSAC whether we wanted it or not. My boss had set me on minimal days since I was far along into my pregnancy and it was getting hard for me to stand long and focus on surgeries with a little one doing cartwheels and round-offs in my stomach. On this particular evening, the guys were all setting up for the first official SAMSAC party. I had been there all day helping them get things organized and decorated, while we had both boys there too. I was exhausted and so was Abel and Thomas so I told Jax I was going to take our boys home so they could get fed and bathed and that I'd be back later on in the night to pick him up, so for him to just call me when he was ready. He was already a few too many beers in so he just said sure and gave me a kiss, sending me on my way.

**OPIE POV**

The party went on full swing through out the night. Around eleven that night, Lyla decided she wanted to go home, but had pointed out that she hadn't seen Jax around in a while, and that she hadn't seen Tara come back. I walked back inside the clubhouse, into sanctuary, into the bathrooms, but he wasn't there. I went into his apartment, and saw him standing there getting head from some random whore there. As soon as he saw me, he panicked. I yelled at the crow eater to leave, and watched her doing so while Jax got his pants back on. I was pissed.

"_Jax, what the hell?!"_

He was stumbling his way over to me.

"_Well someone had to do the job, sure ain't receiving any from Tara!"_

"_She's pregnant! Give her a break."_

"_Oh save it. It doesn't matter."_

"_It doesn't matter?! It doesn't matter?! She's at home taking care of your sons, and you're here in your drunken stupor, cheating on her with some skank!"_

"_It's not cheating. I never got inside her."_

I picked him up by the neck and slammed him up against the wall multiple times before pounding his face in. Once there was enough blood for me to question whether it came from his face or from my knuckles, I let him stumble down into a heap on the ground.

"_Get your shit together, Phil will drive you home. I'm calling Tara and letting her know everything you selfish prick. You don't deserve her, and you don't deserve any of your kids either."_

**TARA POV**

I heard my phone ring, and waddled over to get it, thinking it was Jax being ready to get picked up. It was Opie. He told me he caught Jax with some crow eater in the apartment, and that she was blowing him. He explained that Jax was drunk and mouthy but he assured me the Jax would definitely be sober when he got home and that he'd need a few stitches when he got back. I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I felt betrayed or like he didn't care about me. Sure enough, ten minutes later, he crept through the front door, clutching his left eye, dried blood all over his face, then a visible gash on the back of his head. Thank God for Opie doing to Jax what I couldn't do while pregnant. I had him lay on the kitchen table, stitching the back of his head up first, which definitely isn't easy to do while pregnant. He didn't say anything, he was just laying there in silence. He knew he fucked up, and I had no energy to fight too much with him.

"_How many screw ups am I supposed to accept, Jackson? How many times am I supposed to forgive you for hurting me, before I break? I feel ashamed to bring a third child into this life... Where mommy stays home playing house while daddy is out getting drunk, cheating on mommy, and getting arrested." _

I covered up his head wound with a thick pad of gauze, wrapping some medical wrap around his head to hold it on before getting him to flip on his back so I could stitch up his eyebrow. He still never said anything so I continued.

_"I accepted you starting your own chapter because you promised me it wouldn't be like before, like that life. When I said I wanted you out, I didn't just mean from the illegal shit, the reckless and immature actions count too. How do you expect to be a father and raise your children when you don't even respect me enough to keep it in your pants? If you're going to keep acting how you did in charming, you may as well go back and get killed there because sooner or later it'll happen here." _

I looked at him and he just sat there looking at me, but you could tell every word I spoke was finally getting through that thick skull of his. I had finished up with his eye, pointing some ointment on it. Jax just sat there staring at me in total silence. It was really starting to agitate me.

"_So you don't have anything to say?"_

He slowly shook his head, but finally spoke.

_"No, you're right about everything. All I can say is I will try, I will try to change who I am. But its gonna take a while, I've been in this club my entire life. Even before I was a member I was around this. I'm not gonna give you the same old speech Tara I know you're sick of it. But if you stick with me, I will change, for you and our kids. Just please babe, bear with me. As I said when I bought this place, you want me out, just say the word." _

I didn't really know what to think after that. I just gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, even though Opie put a good beating on it all.

"_You should go get some rest."_

He went to kiss me on the lips, but I just turned away.

"_Not tonight, Jackson. Just go stay at Phil's apartment or something, I don't want you here right now."_

As soon as I said that, you could hear Abel come down the steps. He ran over to Jax.

"_Daddy, I have bad dweam. I need you come seep wif me pease. You potect me fum da monsters."_

Jax looked over at me hesitantly with desperate puppy eyes, and I felt bad for Abel so I just gave him a nod of approval. Teller and his puppy dog eyes, every time I look into them, I forget my anger, I forget that he can be such an asshole sometimes. Because I look into them and see a good man, who is trying his best to juggle a life with his family and the club. I swear those eyes will kill me someday.

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**~Please leave a review and I'll update tomorrow after work!~**


	21. Chapter 21

**TARA POV**

I woke up around 5:30 the next morning after tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable with a kicking baby who finds it amusing anytime Mommy is trying to relax or lay down to sleep, she wants to get all hyped up. I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen for some coffee. Jax was sitting at the kitchen table, reading his dad's manual, and drinking a cup of coffee. He didn't see me until I reached for a cup of coffee, but I couldn't reach it with my baby belly in the way.

"_Can you help?"_

"_Oh yeah sure babe."_

He got one down for me, then poured me a cup, and handed me two sugars, just how I like it.

"_Thanks."_

"_What are you doing up so early?"_

"_Mackenzie won't let me sleep. What are you doing up so early?"_

"_I don't know. My face and head hurt. I feel guilty. Too many thoughts are rushing through my mind. Tara, about last night..."_

"_No. I don't want to hear about it. You said you're going to change and that you just need time, and I believe in you. I'll wait with you. Just try to keep your dick in your pants, and not in other girls' mouths or any other place on their body."_

"_It was just a weak moment I had."_

"_I'm glad Opie beat you up."_

"_What?"_

"_You kind of deserved it Jax. No, not kind of... You did. How would you like it if I just hooked up with some random guy?"_

"_You can't do that Tara."_

"_Yeah, and you can't hook up with sluts either. I gave you one free pass with the Ima thing, and just because you never actually went all the way with that stupid slut, it's another free pass... But if there is ever a third time, you're out... Like three strikes, you're out."_

"_It's never gonna happen again."_

"_Never say never."_

By then I had finished my cup of coffee, and waddled into the living room to lay on the couch and watch T.V. If I was lucky, I had another hour and a half to two hours before the boys got up. I heard Jax walk in, and he just stared at me, again with those damn puppy dog eyes.

"_Oh my god... Just come sit with me already."_

He sat on the long part of the sectional- the part with the foot rest, and I scooted over and curled up to his side with a blanket to share. Of course he smiled and did one of his favorite things lately... Lift up my shirt and rub my huge pregnant belly.

"_She's getting so big..."_

"_Trust me, I definitely know. What are you going to do when she's here? You're gonna have to soften up some having a little girl in the house."_

"_Ehh, it won't be a big deal. Although I already know I'll have a soft spot for her. She's gonna be a little princess."_

"_I'm definitely in trouble then."_

"_And don't worry, you're still the queen."_

"_My life's ambition..."_

We must have fallen asleep together, because I woke up at 8:30 with Abel shaking me.

"_Momma get up. Tommy cwyin'."_

I sighed. Times like this, I wish children had snooze buttons on them.

"_Okay, wake Daddy up and he'll make you some french toast for breakfast, okay?"_

"_Yeah Momma."_

I got out of Jax's hold and hauled myself up to Thomas' room. As soon as he saw me, he stopped crying and got all giddy, bouncing up and down in his crib. I carried him carefully down the steps, and into the kitchen while I made him a bottle. I sat in the rocking chair in the living room while I fed him. Abel had finished his breakfast, so he and Jax joined us.

"_Babe, want some more coffee?"_

"_I suppose one more cup... It'll just keep our little gymnast going."_

He just laughed and walked back into the kitchen. Thomas had drifted back to sleep on me. I just loved having Momma's boys. Them wanting to snuggle with me all the time was so great. I knew that sometimes Jax would get jealous but in just a few short months, he'd get his world rocked with a Daddy's girl.

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**~Review please!~**


	22. Chapter 22

**JAX POV**

I woke up early the next day to drive the boys over to Opie and Lyla's. It was Tara's 32nd birthday. I had many things ready to do with her for the day, but everything would be up to her. Mackenzie was getting pretty good at taking most of her energy, so whether it was going out to eat or just laying in bed all day, as long as I got to spend one on one time with her, I'd be happy. She hated making a big deal over birthdays if it was hers. But if it was mine or the boys, you'd think it was the hugest event ever. I got back just as Tara was waddling her way down the stairs in a sleepy haze.

"_Mornin' birthday girl."_

"_Mmm yeah."_

"_Coffee?"_

"_Oxygen?"_

I laughed. That's my girl- sarcastic as ever first thing in the morning.

"Coming right up, just go rest on the couch."

A tall mug of black coffee, with two sugars in it would please her enough. I carried it over to her.

"_Thanks Jax."_

"_What can I get you to eat?"_

"_Mmm... French toast maybe?"_

"_Of course."_

I kissed the top of her head while she snuggled up with a blanket and her coffee. When I finished cooking it for her, I set it up on the table, giving her some strawberries to go along with it.

"_Babe, it's ready."_

She shuffled in.

"_It's smells good. Thanks baby."_

"_Anything for my queen."_

We sat there eating our breakfast.

"_When do we pick up the boys?"_

"_Ehh, I was thinking we could meet them at that American grille for dinner. I gave Lyla the boys' seats because she's taking all the kids to the park and out for ice cream."_

"_That sounds good. I just want to relax today... Maybe we can get in the pool for a bit... Watch a movie... Go on a walk... Easy stuff like that."_

"_Don't forget the birthday sex."_

"_Jesus Jax... I love how charming you are. Trust me, right now the last thing I want to do is spread my legs for you... It always seems to get me pregnant, and gain 20+ pounds."_

How funny... Not.

"_Hey, you're already pregnant this time, so it won't matter."_

"_Mmm, but the huge baby bump really takes away from the sexy factor of me."_

"_Trust me Tara... It takes it to a whole other level."_

"_We'll see Teller."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

She helped me with the dishes, then we both went upstairs to change into something to swim in. I went with my normal black swim trunks, but poor Tara, nothing was fitting her. Her boobs had grown to a pretty decent size, so the only thing that would fit those puppies was just one of her bras. She was glad to find out her bikini bottoms fit for the most part (her ass was hanging out a good bit, but I wasn't going to point it out... It was hot.)

"_I feel like a fucking whale, but let's go."_

"_After you, gorgeous."_

I grabbed two towels on our way down. Investing in the water heater was awesome, because it felt great in the water. Tara loved it because she could float pretty well, so it took a lot of stress off her body. I held her in my arms like an infant. She relaxed so well in my arms. Times like this I cherished the most on my tougher days because in all the years I've known her, things have always gotten good enough again for me to be able to hold her so lovingly.

"_Jax, where's your mind, you've been staring off for the past few minutes."_

"_I'm so lucky to have you in my life... To be engaged to you... To have three beautiful children with you... I know it's hard for you to believe at sometimes 'cause I'm a prick, but I love you more and more every day. You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."_

_Aww, Jax I love you so much. You're such a good man... And such an amazing daddy. Our boys adore you."_

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**~Reviews please! Btw, check out my new story (will be up within the next hour) named "There goes my life".. It's gonna be a series of one shots.~**


	23. Chapter 23

**JAX POV**

I heard Tara get out of bed around three in the morning to go to the bathroom. Or at least that is what I thought. The water from the shower started running. What the hell. I got up out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Why was she just randomly taking a shower?

"_Babe, you alright?"_

"_My water broke. We'll have to go to the hospital once my contractions get closer. I'm fine."_

My girl, taking a shower while in labor.

"_You sure you should be in the shower? Maybe you should relax or something, like laying out on the couch."_

"_I had a bubble bath while I was in labor with Thomas. I'll be fine. You may want to get someone here with the boys... I can't take Abel with me again. Poor boy's probably scarred from last time."_

"_I'll call Ope and Lyla. Need anything?"_

"_No, I'll be out in a second... Just wanted to clean my hair and stuff before delivery."_

I sat on our bed, calling Opie's house. Of course they wouldn't answer on the first 2-3 calls. Finally on the fourth try, Opie answered, his voice groggy with sleep.

"_H-Hello?"_

"_Opie, Tara's in labor."_

"_Kay, so?"_

"_I need you to come watch the boys."_

"_Jax, it's fucking 3:30 in the morning."_

"_Yeah, well try and tell that to the baby coming out of Tara."_

I guess Lyla woke up, because you could hear her in the background, asking Opie if everything was okay.

"_Lyla will be there in a little bit. I'm going back to bed."_

He hung up after that. Tara got out of the shower and started to pack a bag. Giving Lyla and Opie a key to the house was definitely great because ten minutes later, Lyla and Ellie were standing in our bedroom doorway.

"_Oh thanks for coming guys. I put Abel and Thomas's car seats in the dining room if you guys want to take them up to the hospital after Mackenzie is born."_

"_That sounds good. Good luck Tara. We can't wait to meet her."_

I helped Tara into my truck then we rode off to the hospital.

She was 6 centimeters dilated when we got an actual room. She was tired, and so was I. We were only asleep for about three or four hours before she got up for her shower. At 5 they gave her an epidural because the pain was getting really bad for her. By 7:30, she was fully dilated and ready to push. I was so nervous. I hadn't been there for my sons' births, but I was going to be there for my daughter's which was scarier than it seemed. Tara was reassuring me everything would be okay more than I was reassuring her. She could tell how nervous I was. That, and it was terrible to see her in such pain and not being able to do anything about it. Tara pushed long and hard for 33 minutes. At 8:03 a.m, our beautiful Mackenzie Nicole Teller came into the world, screaming her lungs out. She had dirty blonde hair that covered her entire head. They held her up for me to cut the umbilical cord, and with shaky hands, I did. They took her away to get cleaned and weighed and measured, so I took that time with her away to tell Tara how much I loved her.

"_She's so gorgeous, babe... You did an amazing job. I'm so proud. I love you so much Tara."_

"_Oh Jax, I love you too."_

The nurse carried Mackenzie back over to us and placed her in Tara's arms. Tara was a natural mom... It just looked so right for her to be holding Mackenzie. I was so in love with my girls. I had called Lyla and announced that Mackenzie was born, weighing 8 lbs, 3 oz, and was 20 inches long. Lyla said that the boys just woke up and so they'd be up there within the next hour. Our family was totally complete now.

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**~Reviews please!~**


	24. Chapter 24

**TARA POV**

We had Mackenzie home for a week when Jax went back to work and to the club full swing. He was spending more time with the club than with his family, but we tried to manage. It was hard though with three kids. Thomas was still super clingy to me when Mackenzie would be needing me, then Abel would get jealous Mommy wasn't paying enough attention to him so he'd antagonize Thomas which would get him screaming, which would get Mackenzie screaming... Needless to say, by about one or two in the afternoon, I was ready to rip every piece of hair out of my head. I tried to talk to Jax about it, but there was some internal bullshit going on with him and Chibs about Chibs' place in the club, so he didn't want to hear it. I just sucked it up and went on with how it was. I asked to be a mother, which I have three beautiful babies, I just wished I had more support from Jax. At this point, I needed to get back to work as fast as possible to maintain my sanity, and to give me personal time. When Jax got home way earlier than usual, even before dinner, I was a little worried. He came in, slumped down into a chair at the kitchen table, and slapped a patch onto the table. When I walked over to see it, I saw it was the Sgt. At Arms patch. He stripped Chibs of it.

"_Jackson... Don't do that to Chibs..."_

"_It had to happen."_

"_You're burning bridges that don't need burning."_

"_Stay out of it."_

He was getting angry so fast. Of course, at the worst timing ever, Abel runs in to sit in Jax's lap.

"_Excuse me?" _

"_You're just an old lady Tara! Stay out of it!"_

"_Don't get into this with me in front of our son."_

"Our son? Ha."

How rude. What a dick.

"_Yeah, our son. If anything he's more of mine than he is yours by now."_

"_That's bullshit."_

Abel looked at me, then Jax with a worried and confused expression.

"_Abel, why don't you go play in your room for a little bit, and Mommy will be up there in a minute."_

"_Ohtay."_

"_No Abel. Stay here. Tara, don't boss Abel around."_

"_Jax, what the hell is your problem? Just because you're fighting with your club members doesn't mean you can take it out on me..."_

"_I can do whatever the hell I want."_

"_You know, you sound a whole lot like Clay."_

He slammed his fist down on the table which scared Abel and made him run away.

"_Tara, don't ever say that to me again."_

"_What are you gonna do? Hit me?"_

"_Shut up."_

I had enough. I did too much for Jax to just sit around and let him take his tantrums out on me.

"_You know what? No. I won't shut up. You've pretty much neglected me since I had Mackenzie. You never get up in the middle of the night to help, you're never here during the day, and you come home half drunk and just go to bed. I'm raising all three kids on my own, which you've denied Abel of being mine again, so I guess two kids, and your son. If that's how you want it, fine. Abel ran away scared of you. He's probably hiding under his bed where he always hides, but you wouldn't know because you're never around to get to know your own kids. You can watch your son, I'll take my two babies and just get out of your way, alright? You can continue down your path of destruction while I pray nothing happens to that baby boy I've helped raise."_

"_Tara... Don't-"_

"_Nope. Too late. I refuse to be your emotional punching bag. I didn't stick around for this."_

"_If you're gonna go, at least take Abel."_

"_Oh my god, you are sooooo pathetic. You aren't even man enough to watch your two year old son? Proves who the real parent is here... You're weak... You're just like Clay. I'm no Gemma. I don't tolerate your bullshit, or the club's. I'm leaving for the night... With all three of MY kids. I hope our house gets nauseatingly quiet without the kids, and that our bed stays nice and cold on my side so you know what your future is like if you don't get your head out of your ass."_

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**~Reviews please. I was originally just going to end this story, but then I got all these ideas coming, and I have enough to last probably another 10 chapters or so. Hope you all enjoyed this one!~**


	25. Chapter 25

**TARA POV**

Jax grabbed a bottle of beer and just sat at the kitchen table smoking, and drinking while I packed. It was too obvious that he didn't give a damn what the kids or I did. I got Abel to come out from under his bed with a little bribe, saying that he could take three stuffed animals with us to go stay at "Untle Tibs" as he called Chibs. I packed up an overnight bag for all of us, plus both Thomas and Mackenzie's pac-n-plays so that they could sleep in those for the night. I loaded the car up before getting Thomas and Mackenzie strapped into their car seats, then I sat them by the stairs, while I went to talk to Jax.

"_I'm leaving now. And if you EVER deny Abel as my son again, I'll show you how quick I can get me and the kids out of here, and how fast the judge will grant me sole custody of all three of our kids. What is a felon compared to a surgeon? Scum, that's what. Oh, and here, you can have these back... I don't want them anymore. You aren't the man I married... Every promise you've made, you haven't only just broken them, you've let them crumble right in my face."_

I threw the wedding rings on the table, then walked out of the house with the kids. We drove to Chibs' house, knowing he'd be there, especially after Jax's fight with him. Through the kitchen window, I saw Fiona in there. I didn't even know she was in the states. Was Kerrianne with her? I felt like I was intruding, but Chibs noticed me in the driveway and came out to greet me, so it was too late to leave.

"_Tara? What's the matter?"_

"_Jax is being an ass. I need a place to stay... but it looks like you're busy. I'm sorry, I should've called. I'll go to Opie and Lyla's."_

"_No no no. It's fine. I'll explain to you about my girls. That is after I help you with the wee ones."_

"_Thank you so much Chibs. I'll make it up to you."_

"_Not a problem. Jax should be the one out of the house, not you. Your kids are too young to always have to up and leave."_

"_Abel is used to it. Me and Jax have split before."_

"_That's sad for such a young little one."_

"_This life is sad."_

"_Some parts, yes, I agree."_

We got situated inside and ate dinner. Chibs was telling Kerrianne to let me and the kids stay in her room, but I didn't want to impose more than I already was, so I told him I'd be okay on the couch with Abel since there was enough space for the two pac-n-plays. Fiona and Kerrianne came two weeks ago. Chibs urged for them to come since he was much safer, and they too would be, in Sacramento. Kerrianne was finishing her schooling online while Fiona stayed at home. He hadn't told anyone yet, mainly because he wanted to wait for them to get situated here. We had all gone to bed around 9:30. I awoke later to a loud banging on the front door, followed by Mackenzie waking up, screaming and crying. I carefully got up (not easy to do with a toddler sprawled out on top of you) and got Mackenzie to relax her before she got Thomas up. Chibs came out of his room with a gun in his hand to see you it was.

"Bloody people waking babies."

He opened the door and it was Opie. He looked worried.

"_Chibs... It's Kozik brother."_

"_What happened now?" _Chibs was worried- like his fatherly instincts kicked in to protect his young.

"_Jax and I went to lock up the garage after going to a bar. There was a note on the girls' trailer door. It was from Clay, saying he added a new fruit to the tree, and that it was to warn us that we aren't ever welcomed back in Charming. There are no trees at the compound, and Jax had a feeling it was something inside the garage. We pulled up the big door. Kozik was hanging there upside down on the car lift. His wrists, neck, and stomach were slit. There was blood all over him and a huge pool of blood on the ground. Jax got V-Lin, Phil, and Ratboy to clean it up and burn the body... He's fuming."_

I felt nauseous. I had no words to say. Opie just looked at me.

"_Tara, you got to go back to the house and be there for Jax. He's gonna need someone there for him."_

"_No. Absolutely not. I'm sick of carrying the weight of Jax and the MC on my shoulders. I'm a mom. I have a 3 year old, 16 month old, and a week old baby. I don't have time for the asshole biker. It's different these days. I'm not that reckless teen anymore. I'm a surgeon with a family."_

"_Part of that family is your 'asshole biker' husband..."_

"_Umm-"_

Before I could finish, Jax was in the doorway. He looked at Opie, then saw me there.

"_Tara, what the hell?!"_

"_Jackson! Go away! I came here to get away from you!"_

"_Are you sleeping with Chibs?! With all 3 of our kids with us?!"_

"_No! I'm not a cheating prick like you!"_

Just then Fiona came down the hall to us. She was clearly annoyed.

"_What is all this ruckus?"_

Jax's face got red.

"_Chibs! Why didn't you tell me your girls were here?! Last thing I need is more lives to watch over!"_

Chibs was getting even more mad.

"_More lives?! You don't even take care of the lives you're responisble for now!"_

"_I take care of my family just fine!"_

I looked at Jax like he had three heads.

"_You're so full of shit!"_

Chibs shook his head in disbelief.

"_If you did, your wife wouldn't be coming here with all three of your kids! And for Christ's sake, quit telling the lady Abel isn't hers! She's been there for him for than you have!"_

Kerrianne came down the hall quietly and saw that Abel and Thomas were awake now, watching us all go at it, so she took them into her room so they didn't have to witness more than they already had.

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**~Reviews please!~**


	26. Chapter 26

**TARA POV**

After the fight, Chibs left with Jax and Opie even though Jax and Chibs were still fighting. They went to get rid of the ashes and to make a plan for what they need to do next.

**NEXT DAY**

I left the kids at Chibs' house with Kerrianne while I went back to the house to grab more diapers for both babies, and formula for Thomas. When I got there, Jax was in our room packing a bag.

"_Where are you going now?_

"_Charming. Someone has to deal with Clay."_

"_You promised me you were out. Clay obviously said you aren't welcomed there."_

"_It's for my club Tara."_

"_You'll die. Clay will kill you."_

"_That doesn't matter."_

"_Oh really?"_

"_Really."_

"_I guess me and the kids don't mean anything to you... You could've told me that before I had Thomas and Mackenzie, and before taking Abel on as my own... Now I am tied to you until Kenzie is 18."_

"_We're still married you know."_

"_Yeah, well if you go to Charming, I'll show you how fast the divorce papers will be here. I've had them ready with Lowen since you went in to prison- in case it's what was needed when you got out. All I have to have her do is notarized it. You'll be surprised how willing judges here would be to give me sole custody of the kids. Then I'd leave California entirely."_

"_You're the one that is damaging them by whipping them all around. You could stop running like you always do. The kids need a stable place to live, and a stable family."_

"_Hard to do when their father is a convicted felon that's in an outlaw motorcycle gang."_

"_It's nearly impossible to believe what you're saying... You fell in love with me when I was 16. I was in the club. You used to be so ride and die. You loved the MC and the atmosphere. You were the youngest person in SOA history to get the crow eater tattoo. It's time you own it. You're the matriarch in Sacramento. We've had rough patches before, and we worked past it. Now that we have three kids, it's time for us to work through it again. You do what you need to do Tara, since you seem to shut me out all the time anyways. I'm the same guy I was nearly 18 years ago, I hope you realize that. You are the only one that has changed. You should be used to me, the club, and all the shit that comes with it by now."_

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**~Will be busy for a while, so I posted this chapter half way through and the other have should be written and posted later on... Review please!~**


	27. Chapter 27

**TARA POV**

I left the divorce papers Lowen faxed up on our bed before returning to the Telford's. The next day, I was at Chibs' house still, but he took his girls out on a day trip, so it was just the babies and I. Abel had been acting really well since we got there. I guess he knew I was wearing out thin, so he was giving me a break. Thomas was finally learning how to walk, so it was cute to watch my sons hold hands and slowly walk. Abel, even though at times was an antagonizing older brother, he loved "Tommy" so much. Just as I had laid all three kids down for a nap in Kerrianne's room, there was a knock on the door. I looked through the peephole, and it was Jax. He seemed relatively calm, so I wasn't worried. I opened the door and greeted him with a smile.

"_Hey Jax."_

"_Tara, darlin', we gotta talk."_

He kind of shoved his way through the front door, and shut it behind himself. I sat down on the couch, and he sat by me.

"_So, what do you want to talk about?"_

_'These." _

He pulled out the custody papers that were in little bits and pieces.

"_Well.__.."_

"_Well nothing Tara! How could you? After all we've been through!? Three god damned children?"_

Jax was getting all in my face.

"_Be quiet. They're napping Jax."_

"_No! I won't be quiet!"_

I slapped him in the face, then I felt him yank my head back by my hair and punch me in the stomach. I headbutted him, and ran into the kitchen, grabbing a knife. He had me cornered up against the refrigerator. We fought for it and I used all the strength I had, but Jax was too strong. I felt the blade enter my rib cage and go deeper. I heard Kenzie crying. I tried to get away from Jax to get to her, but the blade just went in deeper. Everything was fading as I tasted a bunch of blood in my mouth. I looked into Jax's eyes one last time and only saw one thing... Relief.

**~Reviews please~**


	28. Chapter 28

**TARA POV**

I woke up in a cold sweat. The babies were really crying in Kerrianne's room, since that was were I had moved their pac-n-plays to during day time. She didn't mind either. She was a really good girl. Abel sat in front of the TV, playing with his stuffed animals. I walked down the hall when I heard a knock on the door. I yelled for Abel to stay put while I grabbed the babies, but when I walked down the hall with them, Jax was already standing in the doorway. It scared me to see him, but also relieved me in a strange way.

"_Abel, Mommy said to stay put. You can't just open the front door."_

"_I see Daddy in da window."_

"_Next time though, do not open it if Mommy isn't in the room with you. It could've been a bad guy, and you would've got hurt."_

"_Ohtay Momma."_

He just shook it off and went to play again. Jax looked at me with a sympathetic expression.

"_Bad timing?"_

"_No. Not a bad timing. We're coming home today. It's too hard by myself. It's impossible doing three kids by myself. I'll sleep on the couch if needed, but I need some sort of help. Either from you, or we need to hire a nanny or something."_

"_Tara, I've been there to help all along. I know not as much as you'd like, but we had some internal shit going on. I'm here now though. Middle of the night, early mornings, all of it... If you'd just give me the chance..."_

"_I know. I'm so sorry I kept the kids from you. And for all that I said... I'd never divorce you... It'd probably kill me."_

"_Yeah, I'm sure."_

He helped me pack up our stuff then we locked up Chibs' house since he went with the girls on a little day trip. When we got back home, Jax fed the boys lunch while I nursed Mackenzie, then we laid them all down for a nap. He went downstairs to watch TV, but I just felt so exhausted, like my nap drained the life out of me- in a way it did. I took a quick shower then laid in our bed on my side. I was so glad to be back. It beat the hell out of the nights I spent on the couch. I grabbed a book from my nightstand drawer and started reading. I heard Jax walk in, and his kutte drop to the floor. I set my book down and looked at him.

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I figured you'd join me downstairs, but I guess I was wrong. Are you okay? You seem really off."_

"_Just had a nap after breakfast and had a really bad dream. I'm fine. I promise you that."_

"_Can I?" _

He flashed his eyes at his side of the bed.

"_Oh yeah, of course. I'd love to snuggle up to you... Maybe I won't have a bad dream if you're right there to hold me."_

"_Worth a shot babe."_

He smiled and got in the bed, and pulled me close.

"_I love you Jackson. So much, I'd do anything for you."_

"_I love you too babe. So much, I'd kill for you."_

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**~Ha-ha-ha, did you catch my three death inferences? Reviews please!~**


	29. Chapter 29

**JAX POV**

I woke up early in the morning with Mackenzie to give Tara a break for once. Mack was so different than the boys. I just felt like she was just so much more fragile then Thomas and Abel were, so I was extra careful with her. Any time she'd fuss up, I'd tense up. Last thing I wanted to do was to wake Tara up to console her. It would show I couldn't handle my own kids, which I can very well. I decided we all needed some family time, but first I needed quality time with Tara. I called up a few buddies of mine in Tacoma, and they referred me to Rogue River which referred me to a rental in Portland Beach, Oregon that was secluded and kid friendly, which was just what we needed. Then I had to call Opie and Lyla and ask if they could watch the kids for a night and drive them to us, which Lyla said yes to since they were expecting their first kid together, and wanted some practice with little babies, so Mackenzie worked great. I woke Tara up to get ready and pack, which she did. Her mind seemed to be in a different place, but this trip was just what was needed to get her mind back on track with our life together. To be honest, I was surprised she came to me first about getting back together. She was so quick to just take the kids and walk out on me. It was the second time it happened within a year or so. My mind would often wander to the thoughts of if she really does go through with the divorce and what I'd do. There'd be no way in hell I could live without her or the kids. Tara drove the kids to Opie and Lyla's while I finished loading my truck up for our long drive. When she got back, we loaded up and headed off for the beach. I noticed Tara was pretty restless, and also distant from me. She wasn't saying much, wouldn't sit close to me, and wouldn't even hold my hand. I finally couldn't take the quiet.

"Tara, what's the matter?"

She couldn't even look at me, just down at her rings when she played around with them anxiously.

"_I-I know you'd never do anything to hurt me... I had this rather terrifying dream yesterday during my nap... And I know it's wrong, but I haven't been able to feel totally comfortable around you."_

"_Why babe? What was the dream?"_

She hesitated before looking up at me with a pained expression.

"_Nothing, you're going to think I am so stupid."_

"_Never Tara... Please tell me."_

"_Your anger scares me sometimes Jax... And by sometimes, I mean most of the time. I know what you are capable of. My dream mirrored my life since we got into the argument and when I threatened you with divorce, and talked about getting Lowen to fax the papers up. In my dream, you forced your way into Chibs' house and attacked me."_

"_Tara I'd never—"_

"_Let me finish Jackson. You came in, showed me the torn up divorce papers, and got in my face. I smacked you to get away, but you yanked my head back and punched me in the stomach... I ran for a knife, but you plunged it into me... Mack started to cry, but I couldn't get to her..."_

She started to tear up. I pulled over onto the side of the road.

"_Babe, I'm sorry you had that nightmare, but that's all that it was. You are my everything, and without you, no doubt about it, I'd die. Please know that whatever happens between us, good or bad, I would never lay an unwanted finger on you. It pains me to say this, and we've gotten really close to it before, but if there comes a day where you truly are unhappy and don't want to be with me anymore, I'd accept it. One of my only goals in life is to make sure you find happiness no matter what."_

She scooted a little closer to me as a few tears fell from her face. I wiped them away and pulled her in for a warm embrace. She pulled back after a bit, and looked at me.

"_I know that... But the rage I saw burning in your eyes in the dream... All of that scary rage, I've seen and witnessed it before."_

"_It's never been directed at you, nor will it ever be."_

"_But Jax... The thing that got to me the most... The last thing I was in your eyes during my dream before I died was relief."_

I was shocked. I couldn't believe she'd turn on me because of a stupid dream.

"_Tara, come on... You can't take much stock in dreams. You should know by now... I thought you knew me. For Christ's sake... We've been together long enough. I understand the dream shook you up, but you're over reacting. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just saying honey... I-I'd never hurt you."_

Tara started to sniffle again and looked into my eyes before nodding. Right then I realized she felt the truth and love in the words I spoke.

"_I know."_

"_I love you Tara. So much. If I didn't when we first got back together, I wouldn't have let you mother Abel... I wouldn't have had sex with you any time that we did. I wouldn't have given you Thomas or Mackenzie... I know I've fucked up plenty of times, and I've proved at some point that I'm not much of a man when it comes to dealing with family... But the love I have for you and all three of our babies are forever... It's passionate, undying love."_

"_I know. And you do such an amazing job loving us, protecting us, providing for us, and caring for us all. I love you too Jax."_

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**~Reviews please... I am so exhausted, thanks to my mom and sister, but I was determined to get this chapter written and done. Thanks to my friend T.J for helping me plan this one, just like how he has done with most of the story. This story, along with the rest of mine, would not be what it is without his help and support! And thank you to all of my faithful reviewers, I look forward every chapter to reading what you have to say about each!~**


	30. Chapter 30

**JAX POV**

We made it to our rental condo by sunset, so we walked onto the beach to one of the food trucks for our dinner. We were tired from the drive, so we didn't want to grocery shop or cook. The rest of the night went on as the new normal... T.V time... Calling Lyla for us to tell Abel good night... Separate showers (Tara insisted) then awkward bed time when I had a raging boner and she wouldn't even let me put an arm around her. Except this time, I was really trying to get some sort of action from her. Besides an occasional kiss here or there, I hadn't had my release in what seemed to be forever. She was faced away from her, holding the blanket up around her neck, trying to stay as far away from me as she could without falling off the bed. It was so annoying. I moved closer to her, and rested one arm across her body, and I felt her tense up entirely. She took a deep breath, and I kissed the crook of her neck, hoping she'd loosen up some, which definitely wasn't the case. She rolled onto her back, and I looked at her.

"_Not tonight Jax."_

"_Come on babe... We have no kids to worry about right now... It's just me and you here... Please..."_

"_I said no Jax."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I'm not in the mood!"_

"_You're never in the mood anymore."_

"_What does that mean?"_

"_What does it NOT mean? I can't force you to be with me, and I can't force you to love me. I've been trying and trying Tara. You've been saying you want us to be together, which the only thing proving we're anything are the rings on our fingers. Part of being married... part of being a couple is the physical connection, which we haven't had any of. Excuse me for being a little sex starved. At this point, it seems like you want nothing to do with me. If that's the case, maybe you do need to have Lowen fax those papers up. I'd hate to keep you tied to anything. I know how much you love to run, and how you love to shove those who love you away. Me getting in the way of that would really suck. I didn't have Opie and Lyla watch the kids for nothing. I thought we'd be able to reconnect. Bring whatever is left of that small flame that has turned into a little flicker back to life. But you don't want that. Sorry for wasting your time."_

"_Jax..."_

"_No... I get it. You have a good night Ms. Knowles."_

"_Please..."_

"_Sleep well."_

I got up and walked out to the living room of the condo, slamming the bedroom door behind me. I was so frustrated with everything, and almost to the point of tears. I slumped down onto the couch, and sighed heavily to myself. If it's not Tara, it's the club, and if it is not the club, it's Tara. There is never a common ground between the two. If that last speech to Tara didn't make her realize anything, nothing would. Just as I closed my eyes, I heard Tara walk right next to me.

"_J-Jax..."_

I turned and looked at her. She had been crying.

"_What?"_

"_I-I'm sorry... I am... I really really am."_

She started to get more upset so I sat up and pulled her to my lap to wipe her tears away.

"_I know... I had to get you to realize what was going on..."_

"_C-Can we try again?"_

"_You said it yourself, you aren't in the mood."_

"_I was just being complicated."_

"_Tara..."_

"_Please baby... I want you..."_

That's all it took before our late night was filled with hot, needy, passionate sex.

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**~Reviews please!~**


	31. Chapter 31

**TARA POV**

We had just gotten the chairs set up on the beach when I got a phone call from Lyla. She had called us 6 hours ago to tell us they were on the road. We weren't expecting them for another two hours or so, so when I got the call, my stomach twisted. I had a bad feeling. When I answered it, you could hear sirens.

"_Tara?"_

"_Lyla! What's wrong?"_

"_We stopped at a gas station to fill up the tank again and to get some snacks and drinks. I don't know what happened but Abel started choking. Opie tried the Heimlich but it wasn't working. We called 911. They have him on oxygen, but they said his airway is being blocked by something. They're rushing him to the hospital. Opie and Ellie are with him in the ambulance, I'm following behind with the others."_

"_My son! Lyla, is he okay?! Jax and I are leaving right now..."_

Jax caught on that something was wrong and grabbed our stuff as we headed back to the condo to change really quick.

"_They said they'll have to go in and dislodge it... Abel is really panicked. He doesn't get what's going on, and why its so hard to breathe... I'm so sorry Tara... I'm so bad at being a mom... I'm sorry about Abel..."_

"_You aren't a bad mom... Accidents happen. We'll be there soon... Where are you?"_

Jax was going to be so pissed, so I had to stay calm, but I was really freaking out. Lyla told us the name of the hospital and we typed it into the GPS. It was a little under two hours away. I filled him in on what happened while he drove, and he going into one of his rage filled silences. I gripped onto his hand tightly for the ride. When we got there, we ran up to where Lyla had texted us Abel was. They got the thing dislodged, which was a marker cap, but him swallowing it down, or trying to, had torn his esophagus, and they were trying to run tests on him. You could hear him screaming for us, which broke our heart. The nurse said they were almost through so to stay outside the room. Abel saw us through the window, which made him flip out. He was using all his strength in his 3 year old body to try and get off the bed.

"_MOMMY! MOMMY HEP ME!"_

I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes. He was so helpless... I wanted to make him all better, but we were told to stay out.

"_Jax... I need to go in there."_

"_You heard them, they're almost done... He's gonna be okay babe."_

"_MOMMY! I SAWWY I BAD BOY... PEEZ HEP ME MOMMY!"_

The nurses had him pinned down now, and had to give him a small dose of anesthesia. His panicked yelling made the tear even worse, and he was drooling up blood in his sleep. They finished their tests, and sucking the blood out of Abel's mouth before they came out to speak to us. I had been leaning against Jax, feeling like my legs couldn't support the rest of me.

"_Mr. and Mrs. Teller... We are so sorry for what happened to your son. He should be okay when he wakes up... The anesthesia is wearing off, so he should be awake within the next few minutes. He'll want you both in there."_

"_Thanks..."_

Jax helped me in there, and I laid sat in the bed next to Abel while Jax pulled up a chair next to us. Opie and Lyla had Thomas and Mackenzie in the waiting room napping while their three kids watched T.V. I was surprised me and Jax relied on each other during the whole situation instead of playing the blame game and forcing distance between us. Abel woke up, and saw us next to him. He started to cry.

"_Mommy I sawwy I be bad boy."_

Poor Abel didn't understand what happened. I wiped his tears away and kissed his forehead.

"_Oh baby, you're a perfect boy... You got a booboo and the doctors had to fix it. We couldn't be in the room with you yet. But now you'll be getting all better, and Mommy and Daddy are right here. I'm so sorry it happened baby... But you are so strong and brave, just like Daddy. You can make it through anything. I love you so much Abel. I'm so proud of you for being so brave."_

"_I wove you too Mommy."_

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**~Reviews please~**


	32. Chapter 32

**JAX POV**

Tara, Lyla, Opie, and I sat in the room with Abel... I couldn't understand how Tara was being so calm... Our son could have died. She wasn't even mad at Opie or Lyla, but it was their job to watch our kids while we were away, and they failed. As if Abel hadn't already been through enough in his short three years of life... Once the doctor left the room after explaining what we'd need to do when we got back home to help him heal fast, I couldn't help but glare at Opie. Lyla and Tara sat on the bed, playing with Abel and his stuffed frog.

"_Opie... You're the man I trust the most, and you let this happen. When you were locked up, I helped Donna take care of Kenny and Ellie as much as I could. Nothing ever happened to them, yet my son almost died from one day with you..."_ I got real close up in his face._ "... MY SON! Why weren't you watching him?!"_

Opie pushed me back away, but I was just so pissed. I took a good swing at him, but he dodged it.

"_Look Jax... I'm really sorry about what happened, but it was a freak thing... They happen... Come on brother..."_

I heard Tara speak to Lyla.

"_Do you think you can take Abel to the cafeteria? Maybe get him some ice cream before we leave... I'll get Thomas and Mackenzie from the big kids."_

"_Oh yeah, sure..."_

Lyla and Abel walked out and Tara came over to me.

"_Jax, come on baby, take a walk with me..."_

"_How can you be so level headed when our son almost died?! Do you not care about that?!"_

"_It's not that I don't care Jackson... Opie got him to the hospital as fast as he could. They were able to get the marker cap out, and Abel will heal fast... He's a strong little boy, he's gonna be fine. Opie did the best that he could... He kept our son alive."_

She grabbed ahold of my hand and led me out of the hospital room. We went to where Kenny, Ellie, and Piper were sitting in the waiting room to get Thomas and Mackenzie from them. I held Mackenzie to my chest as Tara and I each got one of Thomas' hands to help him walk down the hallways.

"_Tara..."_

"_I get that you're upset. I tend to be better at containing my emotions and keeping cool unless its something really bad."_

"_Our son almost died, that's really bad."_

"_But he made it. He's breathing. Soft food and some pain killers for a week, then he'll be as good as new. Can you relax?"_

"_I never let anything happen to Ellie and Kenny when I was taking care of them."_

"_Opie and Lyla haven't let anything happen either. Accidents happen Jackson. Abel is a stubborn three year old, crazy things are bound to happen. I want you to go back to Opie and apologize to him. He didn't purposely let Abel choke."_

"_Fine fine fine fine."_

"_Quit acting like the three year old. Abel is being more mature about it than you are."_

"_Oh thanks babe."_

"_I mean that with love."_

We walked back to the waiting room and I sat next to Opie.

"_I'm sorry I flipped out on you like that... It's just so much has happened to Abel, and it's easy to blame anyone but yourself."_

"_I get it. I would've done the same if it were my kids. Thank you for never letting that happen."_

"_Yeah, of course."_

"_Lyla and I will finish out the drive to your condo and bring back all of yours and Tara's stuff, so that you can get Abel back home to Sacramento._"

"_Oh, you don't have to, we can do it."_

"_It's more of an apology deed."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah... You need to get him home to rest."_

"_Thanks brother."_

We hugged it out, then once we finished the paperwork to discharge Abel, we got our three babies into the car, and started for the long drive home.

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**~Reviews pretty pretty please! Any ideas you'd like to see happen?~**


	33. Chapter 33

**JAX POV**

A week had passed since Abel's incident. I took the week off to help him feel better and to help Tara out with the younger two. On my first say back, all the guys were at the garage, working on all our clients' cars while Tara and Lyla were in their trailer with Mackenzie, doing some paperwork, and Opie and Lyla's kids had Abel and Thomas playing on the playground. I was just helping Chibs get a pick up truck onto the lift when we heard a motorcycle roll up. We could tell by the shaking hands and struggle to hold onto the handles it was Clay. We all automatically drew our weapons towards him and I saw Tara and Lyla run out and lock the gate so Clay couldn't escape before cautiously walking towards us. Clay took his helmet off and stood in front of us.

"_Wow... Relax boys, I'm only hear to talk."_

Chibs spit in his direction, getting riled up.

"_Tell that to Kozik you grimy old bastard."_

Thankfully I wasn't the only one who felt like that towards Clay.

"_Give me one good reason to not give everyone the go ahead to blow your sorry ass to pieces."_

"_'Cause I'm still the President of our founding chapter... You boys do that... well... you'll be at war with every charter of the Sons of Anarchy."_

Tara got a little closer.

"_Jax should be the President of Samcro. John TELLER founded the club with Piney WINSTON... Jax TELLER and Opie WINSTON should've been President and V.P for the founding charter. Morrow was never part of the founding pair... You were the last of the first 9 to join. You don't even deserve the gavel."_

Damn, my woman was speaking the truth. I was so proud of her. Living up to her crow tattoo. Then Lyla must have felt confident in her pants because she was next to speak up.

"_You stole the legacy away from our men. You aren't welcome here."_

"_Be that as it may, I'm still the President and still have pull. So how about you slutty cunts keep your mouth shut. You'll know if I want them open."_

That stupid son of a bitch. Opie went to lunge at Clay, but Phil and Chibs held him back. I pistol whipped as hard as I could.

"_If you degrade or disrespect one of our old ladies again, I'll put a bullet through the brick head of yours, do you understand me?"_ Clay just looked at me. _"Talk!"_

"_I wanna speak to you... In private, Pres."_

I told my guys to just get back to work, and that we'd go talk by the girls' trailer. Opie and Chibs started talking to Tara and Lyla to make sure they were okay. We went on the side so we couldn't be seen.

"_You have two minutes Clay."_

"_I guarantee you the gavel within three months if you come back. I need to earn before I check out. Half our contacts and business only want to deal with you."_

"_I already have a gavel."_

"_Bullshit. I know you always wanted to be President of the founding charter. The one your dad founded. This ain't following in your dad's footsteps. Anybody can create a poor excuse of a charter. I know you son... You want the gavel of Redwood Original."_

I thought about it for a second. He was right, but my family and all the guys that moved with me- we were living better than we ever had.

"_I promised Tara out of Charming, and we are finally gone. I don't want to step foot back in Charming. Even if it meant sitting in the same chair my father did."_

Clay sighed. You could tell he was getting agitated that I wouldn't give in.

"_You're just like J.T... Letting the same thing that happened to him, happen to you. Have pussy cloud your judgment." _

I swung at Clay but he whipped out his knife and sliced my stomach. It wasn't deep, but damn it still hurt like a bitch. I fell to my knees and Clay kicked me in the stomach.

"_Fine Jax, have it your way. Just remember what you said because if you ever come back to Charming, I will kill you. Let this be a warning to you. I thought I raised you differently. Coward."_

Chibs ran over.

"_Jackie boy!"_

Clay grabbed the knife and held it to my throat.

"_Open this gate those bitches locked and let me out or else I'll kill all of you. Kids included."_

I got the keys and started to undo the lock, even with the knife to my throat. Right as I opened the gate, Chibs shot him in the hand that held the knife. I took it and stabbed it into his thigh.

"_Better hope you have Juice in the van, I doubt you'll be riding for a while."_

Tara saw the blood soaking through the cut in my shirt, and helped Chibs get me inside the clubhouse, onto a pool table. Tara took my shirt off and looked at the cut while cleaning up the blood with Chibs.

"_Not deep enough for stitches. Barely broke through the skin, but still bad enough. I'll wrap you up in gauze. You'll be okay."_

"_Tara, tell Opie to get the Sergeant at Arms patch. Chibs, that belongs to you brother. I'm sorry for being a prick to you. You had my back and potentially saved my life."_

Tara's eyes teared up and she hugged Chibs tight.

"_Thank you so much to for the past few weeks... You've done so much for us... You're like a father to me."_

"_Oh thank you honey. You and the kids and Jax are our family. Fi and Kerrianne love you all, like I do."_

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**~Reviews please!~**


	34. Chapter 34

**JAX POV**

I got home a little after 8. Tara had just put the kids to bed, so she was lounging on the couch.

"_Hey babe."_

"_Hey Jax, how's your stomach?"_

"_Sore, but I'll be okay. Kids behave for you?"_

"_For the most part... Abel was upset you weren't here to tuck him in, but I promised him you'd have breakfast with him tomorrow."_

"_Yeah, sorry. We were setting up the new cameras."_

"_It's okay... I waited to cook for us. The boys just ate some Wendy's. I figured I'd wait a while and find something around here for us."_

"_We can just order Chinese or something."_

"_Really? I mean, we don't have to... I don't mind cooking."_

"_It'll give you a break. I'll order us some Chinese. Pick a movie out to watch... We can relax on the couch together."_

"_Sounds great."_

She hopped up and gave me a long, passionate kiss.

"_Oh really?"_

"_Later, Jackson."_

My woman... Such a tease. I called for the Chinese to be delivered, then got up to change into comfier clothes. I came back down and she was waiting for me on the couch with a beer for me, and some popcorn.

"_What chick flick are you torturing me with tonight?"_ I chuckled and she shoved me jokingly.

"_No chick flick. But I did pick out To Kill A Mockingbird."_

"_That was once of my dad's favorites."_

"_I know baby..."_

She pressed play and softly snuggled up to me.

"_What are you gonna do about Clay?"_

"_I'm not sure yet... But it's nothing for you to worry about."_

"_I'm your old lady, I worry about you and what you're doing constantly... It comes with the position. Being an old lady to a president is much scarier than when you were V.P... Now Lyla is going through all that I was..."_

"_It'll get easier once the situation is dealt with."_

"_I know Jax... I trust you... I believe you... I love you."_

"_I love you too Tara... More than my life."_

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**~Reviews please! Just warning you, a few dark chapters to come... But they're longer. Think of this as the calm before the storm... Mwahaha~**


	35. Chapter 35

**TARA POV**

Jax and I decided to have a cookout in the backyard, and to invite all of SAMSAC and their families. We had all kinds of things to grill... Hotdogs for the kids, steaks, kebobs, and other things for the grown ups. Opie and Lyla came over to help set up and get the sides cooked. I always loved when they'd come over because their kids loved mine and Jax's so they'd always watch them and play with them so we could have some adult time. We had everyone over, and we were all having a great time... Thomas was swinging with Kenny and Piper, Ellie was holding Mackenzie at the table while Lyla and I talked with Abel on my lap. Lyla was about 6 months pregnant with a little girl. I looked over at Jax, Opie, Chibs, and the other guys... They were all comparing guns- typical guys. The only guy missing was Phil, but that's because he went on a beer run to the gas station. When we heard the car park in the driveway, the guys started to walk over to help him carry beer. Although it wasn't Phil, and there was no beer. The back gate flew open, and it was three masked men, firing one shot after another. Lyla ran to her sons and got Thomas out of the swing. I yelled for Ellie to get down on the ground with Mack, and I covered Abel's face and ears. Jax and the guys shot back again and again, blood splattering everywhere. All over the food, on me, on Abel, and all over the siding of the house and all on the wooden porch. The neighbors started coming out of their houses, watching our house. The guys just kind of stood there in shock. All three of my kids started crying. None of SAMSAC was hurt, but there were three dead guys in the grass. Jax come over to me.

"_Are you okay?"_

"_Just don't. Deal with all your club, I got the kids."_

"_Tara, come on."_

"_Don't talk to me."_

I got the kids inside, and Lyla came with me. I went to change both mine and Abel's clothes, then brought a bottle down for Mackenzie and Thomas. Lyla was rubbing her stomach.

"_Is your baby okay?"_

"_I still feel the baby... We're gonna be okay... I can't stick around Tara... I can't let my kids grow up around this... Donna would be rolling in her grave if she saw what her kids were experiencing... I have to get out Tara. Come with the kids and I."_

"_Lyla, honey, I can't do that... I have to stick with my husband. My kids need their father."_

"_You got away one time Tara... You can do it again... God, you were just wiping blood off Abel... Is that what you want him to always remember? The kids deserve to grow up in a warm, safe, stable home."_

"_Home is where your husband is... Opie's gonna lose his mind if he loses you and the kids... You guys and his dad are all he has left..."_

"_I'm doing what is best for my kids.. I can't bring a 4th kid around in all this shit. I'm really shocked. You of all people should understand how it is... I'm surprised you aren't out the door already."_

"_Betraying love is a dangerous thing. I've walked the fine lines more than enough times with Jax. I can't put him through that pain. I'll help you guys get out, but I can't go."_

"_Yeah, sure, that's fine. How can you help?"_

"_I'll give you enough cash for you to get out of California... Don't use any of your cards, they'll be able to track it, and Opie will come for you. I'll give you a prepay phone, and a gun for protection. They aren't registered, and there are no serial numbers so as long as you wiped the fingerprints off, it's not trackable. Drive back to Charming... Go to Unser's house. My Cutlass is there. Take that, then get out of California. The only numbers in the prepay is mine and Jax's. Only call mine twice a day. Jax will know if you do any more..." _I was feeling so guilty. I knew first hand the pain Opie would feel, but Lyla needed to get out for a while to reassess things.

"_Oh my god, thank you."_

"_Here, finish feeding Mackenzie for me... I'll go get the cash, gun, and phone."_

I could hear the police sirens coming. I grabbed an old purse of mine and ran to the safe, opening it while I got the pre-pay, a glock, and $800 cash to give to her. I ran back to the living room.

"_I'd give you more money, but Jax would notice it gone out of the safe. If you need more, call me and I'll send you some. Now go quick before the cops come. Be safe. We love you. Don't be afraid to call."_

"_I won't. Thank you so much."_

I hurried them out the door, and they drove off as the cops were pulling in the driveway. Thomas and Mackenzie had fallen asleep, so I carried them upstairs to bed, but Abel was too scared from seeing and hearing it, and feeling the blood get on him, so he stayed awake. I carried him out back to speak to the cops with Jax. They took our reports, and had the coroner come get the three bodies after documenting the crime scene. Jax sprayed off the porch and house like it was nothing. Chibs, Fiona, and Kerrianne threw away the food, everyone left. Opie wouldn't even know what he was going home to since Lyla and him drove separately anyways. I was inside on the couch, rocking Abel in the living room when Jax came in from cleaning everything up.

"_How is he?"_

"_Scared... Won't eat... Won't sleep... He doesn't understand what happened."_

"_I know... I'm sorry babe... Just please stay here."_

"_That's asking for a lot..."_

"_It wasn't my fault."_

"_It was Clay..."_

"_I know Tara!"_

"_Don't get snippy with me. I know how the club is. I know better than to try to leave again. I wouldn't do that to you, and I wouldn't do that to our kids."_

"_That means so much to me."_

"_BUT... I've given up trying to fight your club. I love you Jax... I really do. I know you mean well and that you try your best to take care of our family. So I'm just going to sit back and watch you do what you do, and just take care of our kids... You know what's sad though?"_

"_What?"_

"_When we first started dating, way back when, I used to dream of having a huge family with you... Like 5 or 6 kids... Now I don't know how we manage with the three we have, and I am so relieved when I get my period every month because that means I'm not pregnant... I can't even begin to think of what it would be like to bring yet another innocent soul into this life. I feel like a criminal staying here... Allowing our kids around this... But I know better than to try to stop it."_

"_Okay Tara, that's taking it too far."_

"_Nope. Having me wipe a stranger's blood off Abel was too far. Good night Jax. The couch is all yours."_

I carried Abel up to our room, and turned on cartoons for him to watch while I held him close, my head spinning with all the shit going through it.

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**~Reviews please!~**


	36. Chapter 36

**TARA POV**

It was an early morning with the kids. I was sitting at the kitchen table with them, helping them all eat there breakfast. Jax came down looking rather worried.

"_Babe, I just got off the phone with Opie... He said Lyla and the kids are gone... They were never at home last night... Have you talked to her recently?"_

"_Nope." _

I couldn't look him in the eyes. I was feeling really guilty.

"_You sure? He's really upset."_

"_Yes."_

Just then, Opie barged through the front door, and came lunging at me.

"_YOU SET THE WHOLE DAMN THING UP! YOU CONNIVING BITCH!"_

I gasped, and Jax started to shove him away from me. They went back and forth for a while in a shoving match.

"_Ope, leave her alone, she didn't do anything!"_

"_SHE STOLE FROM YOU TO GET MY WIFE AWAY FROM ME!"_

Jax glanced at me, and I couldn't even pretend like I didn't do it. He let go of Opie, and got the kids out of the kitchen and into the living room so they wouldn't see all of this happening. I stood up thinking maybe if I stay calm, he'd relax a little, but I was wrong. By the time Jax came back into the kitchen, Opie had me cornered in, and he was towering over me. With him being 6' 4", and me being 5' 6", it was definitely scary.

"_How dare you do this to me! I don't cross boundaries with you and Jax unless it's really necessary! That's my wife and kids that just split! Where the hell are they?!"_

"_I-I don't know Ope... She n-never told me."_

He raised his fist like he was ready to strike me.

"_I suggest you never come around me again. You tore my family up, just like what you did to yours. Hope you're happy."_

He glared at me, then at Jax, before storming out. I couldn't cry. I didn't know how to feel. I was so disappointed in Jax. He didn't even TRY to defend me. He just watched it all happen.

"_Tara, you need to explain to me what you did..."_

"_Lyla wanted out. After the kids and everyone seeing it all go down. That one guy's brains getting blown out in front of us, the blood splattering all over us... It was too much. So I gave her safe passage out of here. One of the glocks... a pre-pay... $800 cash... and the keys to my Cutlass back in Charming. She hasn't called yet on where she's at... I have no idea Jax, I promise I don't."_

"_I don't even know who you are anymore. I am your husband, that's one thing... Now you're causing all the pain for my best friend... the same pain I went through. Opie never did anything bad to you Tara... And if Lyla or the kids get hurt on their little vacation you arranged, Opie is going to come for you."_

I didn't know what to say after that. I walked out to the kids to get them dressed and to play with them for a while. After lunch time, I got them all laid down for a nap, and Jax was sitting on the couch watching T.V. I was still so annoyed he didn't protect me. I was staring at him, then he finally noticed.

"_What are you staring at me for?"_

"_You know... It doesn't matter what I did, Opie was THIS close to hitting me, and you were just going to stand back and let it happen. How am I supposed to feel safe with you now? I know I was wrong for doing what I did. I didn't think it through clearly. In the reality of it all, Lyla was trying to get me to come with her and take the kids. She was judging me for not getting out this time. I told her I couldn't put you through that type of pain again, and that I needed my husband, and that our kids need Daddy. Now I think I should've gone with her."_

His face hardened to stone. The anger was obvious.

"_Going with her? You really considered putting me though all that shit AGAIN? After everything? I left SAMCRO for you Tara! I left behind following in my Dad's footsteps to give you a better life! A safer life!"_

"_Jackson look at this! SAMCRO has followed you! It doesn't matter, we're still in danger with Clay out there."_

Jax just looked at me and shook his head in disbelief.

"_I can't believe you were gonna go."_

"_But I didn't."_

"_Yeah, but you still did damage. And if you can think about it once, you can think about it again."_

"_Of course I can think about it again... It'll always be in the back of my mind because its safer to be away from you and the club."_

"_Why don't you just save us time and leave now then. No reason to build any more of a life together if you're just going to run away again someday. What's the point?"_

I didn't know what to say. I just sat there in silence.

"_Tara, I'm going out to clear my head. I can't say if I'll be home tonight. If you are gone when I come back, I won't be surprised. But if you decide to leave, don't ever come back again. I can't keep doing this over and over. You have no idea what this does to me, babe."_

He stood up and bent over in front of me, grabbing my face, giving me a rather deep kiss. I was shocked. I couldn't even kiss back, I was still speechless. He looked at me.

"_Maybe I'll see you later..."_

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**~Reviews please. I'll update it again tonight.~**


	37. Chapter 37

**JAX POV**

It was probably around 11 when I got home. I was actually shocked to see Tara's car in the driveway. Especially from how our conversation went earlier, I was sure she'd bail out on me again. When I got up to our room, Tara wasn't in bed. She wasn't even in there at all. The room was how I had left it in the morning. Both Abel and Thomas were asleep by themselves in their rooms, so that meant Tara was with Mackenzie. When I went into Mack's room, Tara was sleeping in the rocking chair with Mackenzie asleep on her lap. But then I saw the gun she had in her lap. It was one of her guns from Gemma. It truly disturbed me that she felt the need to have that... I knew it was to protect herself from me and Opie. It finally hit me. The fear that was put into her was so bad. I stepped out of the room to call Opie.

"_Opie, tomorrow I need you to apologize to Tara."_

"_No... What the fuck man?"_

"_She's terrified, brother. She fell asleep in my daughter's room with a gun in her lap."_

"_Yeah, well she may need it if I never see Lyla again."_

"_You're lucky we aren't in person right now. I would've slugged you in the mouth so hard... Bro, you can't say shit like that. Wake up! There was a shoot out right in front of our wives and kids because of our life, what the hell did you expect?"_

"_Your wife still had no right..."_

"_Shut up Ope. Just stop. You and I are blind because this life is all we have ever known. Tara and Lyla forget that they're women because they've handled more shit than most men could. They weren't born into this like me and you, brother. We need to start putting ourselves in their shoes and quit being so selfish. I'm first to admit I've made a lot of mistakes recently. Tara was trying to SAVE your wife and kids, just think about that."_

I hung up on him then walked back into Mackenzie's room. I got the gun from her lap, and put the safety back on, then put it in the back of my pants. I lifted Mackenzie out of her arms and tucked her in to her crib. Tara must of felt Mack leave her arms because she jolted awake, saw me standing in front of her, reached out for the gun, and panicked when she felt it wasn't there. She started to cry hard. I took her into my arms, letting her cry into my shoulder. I hugged her close.

"_It's gonna be okay darlin'... No one is going to hurt you. Least of all me. I promise... I'm here babe... I'm here."_

She was limp in my arms, but cried herself back to sleep. I lifted her up, and carried her into bed. Once changing into some sweatpants, opting for sleeping shirtless, I got in next to her, holding her close to me.

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**~Shortest chapters are always the sweetest, right? Haha. Reviews please!~**


	38. Chapter 38

**JAX POV**

I woke up in bed alone. I could hear Thomas giggling from his room, so I shuffled in there. He was playing with Mackenzie on the floor. Tara was sitting on the futon watching them.

"_Mornin' babe..."_

"_Oh good morning. Sleep okay?"_

"_Did you?"_

"_I guess..."_

"_Well then so did I."_

Tara hesitantly looked at me.

"_Jax... I think we need to look into marriage counseling. There are just some issues I don't know if we can solve ourselves."_

"_We don't need counseling. I just need you to let me back in babe... We need to be on the same level again. As spouses, lovers, and as parents... But we can't get there if you stay so guarded. You won't relax or anything like that around me."_

"_Every time I try to accept the club more, or relax around it, something bad always happens. Why should I keep doing that to myself?"_

That was so annoying. For once I was just talking about us as a family and not the club.

"_It's not just you babe. It's Abel, Thomas, Mackenzie, and me... I don't know what I have to do to make you love me again..."_

I took a seat next to her. She turned to face me.

"_It was never a matter of me not loving you. You as a person are just amazing. You're a smart, strategic, beautiful and caring man. Our kids love the hell out of you. I know you do the best you can to protect us and to provide for us. But when you're with the club, you aren't all there for us... That's the part I don't love."_

"_I'm trying to find a balance for it all. But me knowing you're just ready to up and split any time things get a little hard, it doesn't make that easy for me."_

"_A little hard? Jax, you have to admit... The whole thing that happened two nights ago... Me having to wipe a stranger's blood off your son... It was a bit over the top. The sad thing is, for once, I was used to it. I've gotten to that point in the old lady lifestyle with being married to the president of a MC, those things happen. It's hard to have our kids getting that way too. It's history repeating itself. I just have to have a plan. I've been around long enough to know how the club is, and the damage it does to families. I don't know a plan to make sure our family doesn't fail more than it already has that doesn't involve us not leaving."_

"_Well you leaving and taking our babies isn't going to help any of us. I'm not the typical biker... All the guys just hit it and quit it with whoever. I need a strong and independent woman in my life to love me... To keep me grounded... You're the perfect woman for me."_

"_I quit my job as a neonatal surgeon to manage a mechanic shop. Obviously I am not that strong."_

"_You did it for our family. That's the strongest sacrifice."_

"_It was for us to be together again. I mean yeah, I had the kids with me at the daycare in the hospital, but I'd only see them on my lunch break, and more times than not they'd be cranky so we couldn't do anything. And then I was only seeing you on the nights and weekends. I was just barely seeing any of you being a surgeon. Now my office at our shop is on the lot. If I need to see you, I just walked down the steps and across the parking lot into the garage. The kids are with me, or at the playground, or in the clubhouse. We're all together, but not together at the same time. It just gives me peace at mind. I know where everyone is and we get to spend our lunch breaks together. Things just worked out better this way."_

"_It works out better because our family is together, like how it is supposed to be."_

"_I'll admit it... For a while, I was hating working at the shop. I could be saving lives, but I was filing paperwork and working the phone. But everything here resulted back to you and the kids... It made it all worth it. My life revolves around you and the kids, it always has, oddly enough."_

I looked at Thomas and Mackenzie. They were both perfect combinations of me and Tara. Thomas had Tara's mild mannered personality, and Mackenzie was more like me being needy. I just wished Tara had come back about 9 months before she did... Abel could have been biologically hers. I was just thankful Abel looked just like me, and he also adapted Tara's personality, down to the core.

"_These two beautiful babies we made together... They're worth all the shit we've been through. Abel too. They've made the pain bearable, and they've always brought us back together. I love you Tara. I've loved you since I was 16. You stayed when nobody else did... You took Abel on as your own, and you've given me two beautiful children."_

"_Three."_

"_What?"_

"_I'm pregnant again..."_

"_Seriously?"_

"_No I'm just kidding... Of course I'm serious Jax... I don't joke when it comes to the kids."_

"_That's great babe. I'm so happy."_

I bent over and kissed Tara's stomach.

"_Hey there little baby... We love you so much already... You're gonna be able to grow big and strong inside your mommy. She's the greatest lady you'll ever meet."_

"_Mmm I wouldn't go that far."_

"_I definitely would. Without a doubt. It's the truth."_

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**~Aww, another sweet chapter haha. Reviews please! I'd love to hear from my new followers and favorites... :) ~**


	39. Chapter 39

**TARA POV**

I was inside, getting ready to leave for my initial ultrasound when there was a knock at the door. When I looked through the peephole, Opie was standing out there. Jax was in the backyard with the kids, but I knew if I had to, I could yell loud enough for Jax to hear me. I slowly opened the front door, watching him carefully. His face was down like he was staring at his shoes.

"_Can I come in Tara?"_

"_Sure."_

We stood in the entry way.

"_Look Tara, I'm sorry for how I got the other night. It was uncalled for, and I am sorry if I scared you. I wasn't thinking clearly. Please just understand I was upset. I don't want you to be afraid of me. We have been close friends forever, and I'll regret letting you see that side of me for the rest of my life."_

"_I forgive you Ope. I understand why you did it, but it's going to take some time for me to feel comfortable around you again. There has been only one other person's eyes full of rage like that, that I have seen and they were my father's right before he would beat me. It kind of dug up the old and painful memories. You have to give me time to bury those again."_

"_I get it, and I will. I'll keep my distance for a while, unless it's at work and I need something from you."_

"_Lyla's coming back Ope. She called me a little bit ago. She's scared, tired, and missing you. She was going to surprise you because she is supposed to be arriving at the clubhouse around dinner time, but I wanted you to know that she's okay. I'm really sorry for all I did."_

"_Us members don't give the old ladies enough credit. You all put up with so much. I don't want you apologizing either."_

"_Oh... Okay then."_

"_I'm gonna go clean myself up and wait at the clubhouse. At least thank you for taking care of her... Giving her the money, and also the gun for protection."_

"_Oh yeah, of course."_

He walked out, right as Jax was walking in with the kids.

"_I'm going to go lay them down for a nap. When is Kerrianne going to be here to watch them?"_

"_Within an hour or so..."_

I walked into the kitchen to make me and Jax some lunch. He came back downstairs, and sat at the island, watching me.

"_How ya doing babe?"_

"_I'm fine... I guess... Opie was just here while you were playing with the kids outside. He came and apologized. I don't want him apologizing to me."_

"_Babe, what he did to you, an apology is more than needed."_

"_Honestly, I think you did worse."_

"_What! How? I didn't even do anything."_

"_Exactly, you didn't do anything. He had that boiling rage in his eyes... Christ, he was about to hit me... Same exact scenario I was always in with my dad. I saw you out of the corner of my eye. You were just standing there, staring. I needed you to protect me, but you didn't. You chose your best friend over your wife."_

"_It's not like that... It was just those old feelings... The betrayal of when you split with the boys. I knew Opie would never hit you. He wanted you to think he was going to so you wouldn't do anything like that again."_

"_He's not my parents, and neither are you. I don't need to be taught lessons. I'm 32 years old."_

"_I know I was wrong. What can I do to make things better?"_

"_I don't know. Just stay home with the kids. Tell Kerrianne she can stay home. I'll go to ultrasound by myself."_

"_Do you really think that's gonna help make things better?"_

"_It's just the ultrasound to make sure I'm really pregnant. It's no big deal."_

"_Of course it is. That's our child. I want to be at all the ultrasounds like I was for Mackenzie."_

"_You don't have time for all of that again."_

"_You don't know what I have and what I don't. You want me to be around more for our family, and I'm trying to be, but you aren't allowing it. You can't have it both ways Tara."_

I just shook my head.

"_You're up to getting revenge for me leaving you all those months ago. Your friend almost hit me, and you were just going to watch it all happen. What if he were to have actually done it? Like if he hit my stomach? What would you have done then? Your best friend killing your fourth kid... How would that make it feel?"_

"_You're making this more complicated than this needs to be."_

"_I'm just trying to be honest with you."_

"_Am I allowed to come with you to the ultrasound or not?"_

"_Do whatever you want. I still think we need marriage counseling."_

"_I told you once we aren't doing any stupid counseling, I won't say it again."_

"_Stupid counseling? It's for our failing marriage."_

"_What makes it failing all of a sudden?"_

"_All of a sudden? Jax! What the hell! It's been slowly failing since you got out of prison... It'd start failing, then we'd be able to patch it up for a bit, but during the past month, it's been crumbling and failing faster than ever. I don't even think having this fourth kid will help us at all. It's just going to make the strain grow tighter."_

"_You got pregnant to save our marriage?"_

"_What?! No Jax. I don't have control over things like that. You're the one supposed to be wearing a condom."_

"_What's so wrong with having another kid?"_

"_Because I am going to have to be the one taking care of all four of them while you're out fucking around with the club. I just hope you realize our sons are at the age where they are getting what is going on with us. How you're rarely around, how we fight all the time, but they also see how we can suck up our woes and put on a smile for them."_

"_It's because we love each other."_

"_Yes, but that love is growing dark. It's hard to find these days. I want us to save what we have, but it's difficult lately."_

"_I know babe..."_

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**~Reviews please. I decided to make this one a bit heavier... Anyways, reviews please! If I can think up enough for ideas, I'll be posting again tomorrow after school.~**


	40. Chapter 40

**TARA POV**

Jax and I talked a little more about us on the way to the ultrasound. I let him drive since our bickering took up most of the time I had to eat and put on makeup, so I was finishing up in the truck.

"_Jax... Since you are so anti-counseling, there is only one thing we can really do to get us both happy with each other again. It's for us to just forgive, forget, and move on. We just need to be happy, and hope that it sticks around."_

"_Right now it starts. For the sake of our marriage, and for our family. I love you Tara."_

I looked at him and hesitated for a second.

"_Oh, I love you too..."_

We went in and got the ultrasound done. I was 9 weeks along, and the baby seemed to be just perfect. After that we went to pick up the kids and head to the club house for Lyla's homecoming with their kids.

**OPIE POV**

I was sitting outside at the picnic tables at the clubhouse, waiting for Lyla and the kids to come back. I had missed them so much. I wasn't even mad at Tara anymore. Just as long as Lyla returned back safe and healthy, all would be forgiven and forgotten. Jax and Tara showed up before they did. Jax carried Thomas and Mackenzie inside who were both asleep. Tara slowly walked over to me with Abel.

"_Good news is, I really am pregnant, and the baby is okay."_

"_You're pregnant?"_

"_Yet again, yep. Jax already says this one is a boy... I think it'll be a girl. Anyways, once Lyla and everyone else gets her, I'm gonna head off to the store to get things for our dinner tonight. I'm thinking spaghetti. Mainly because I'm tired, and partially still battling away morning sickness even though it is the afternoon. I don't have much energy to cook anything extravagant."_

"_Oh, well I'm fine with anything. Although I'm just too nervous to even think about eating. What if Lyla isn't really coming back?"_

"_Ope, I promise you she is. She wouldn't lie to me."_

Tara went inside with Abel. Now it was just the waiting game. It felt like hours (really just 20ish minutes) before I saw Lyla's SUV pull up. I stood up and was at her door before she even put it in park. She opened the door, buckled and reached out for me. I lifted her out and into my arms, giving her a big hug and kiss.

"_God I missed you so much Lyla."_

She smiled at me.

"_I missed you too. I'm sorry I left... But I still want to be your old lady... I just got scared."_

"_I understand. I'm so glad you're home."_

"_Me too. It was scary."_

"_Where'd you even go?"_

"_Nevada. I had the club's protection there. I can't even tell you how many dicks I had to suck to get them to keep quiet."_

My entire body tensed up.

"_What?"_

"_I'm kidding. Just a joke. I'm pregnant, that means I am off limits. Plus, my sex with anyone days are over. You moving me out to Sacramento made an honest woman out of me."_

She smiled the certain smile that made her eyes twinkled. I kissed her again.

"_Were the kids okay?"_

"_Oh yeah, they're fine. They liked the Vegas strip when we went last night."_

"_Corrupting our kids, huh..."_

"_Cultural outing."_

"_Sure, we'll call it that. Your best friend is inside. Pregnant."_

"_Jesus... Again? What does that make? 4?"_

"_We have four."_

"_Yeah, but they aren't all mine. I mean they are, but I didn't birth out all of them."_

"_Neither did Tara."_

"_Yes... I was just saying because we have Ellie and Kenny... They're two years apart, then Piper is a year under Kenny... Then this little girl is going to be 8 years under Piper. It's not like they're all one after another like Jax and Tara. They're gonna lose their mind with 4 kids under the age of 5."_

"_Hey, to each their own. As long as their happy, we should be happy for them."_

"_You really think they're happy together right now?"_

"_It's really none of our business. Now let's go inside. I'm sure they're all happy to see you."_

The kids got out of the car after that. I gave them each a hug and kiss, then walked them all inside.

**TARA POV**

I had gotten back from the grocery store with the kids. We got a bunch of noodles, sauce, and beef to make a bunch of spaghetti. Then we also got a bunch of bread to go with it. I had Abel help carry in two bags, Thomas one, and then I carried the other with Mackenzie on my hip. When we walked inside, Jax was sitting at the bar... with a stupid crow eater slut in his lap flirting with him! I got so mad. I dropped the bag, set Mackenzie down, and ran over to them, yanking her off his lap, slamming her face into the bar, grinning to myself as I heard the cartilage in her nose break. Jax just stood there in shock.

"_Stupid gash! That's my man!"_

I yanked back on her hair, slamming her face into it again. She stood up and shoved me, making me fall backwards over a bar stool. That was the last thing I remembered.

**JAX POV**

The crow eater, Erin, knocked my wife out.

"_You fucking bitch, she's pregnant!"_

I grabbed her and shoved her over the couch. I saw Lyla shielding the Abel and Thomas from it all. V-Lin was holding Mackenzie.

"_Lyla get them out!_

I ran over to where Erin was and grabbed a hold of her neck, choking her.

"_You stupid little bitch... If the baby is dead, so are you!"_

Her blood and tears were getting everywhere. Opie and Chibs pulled me off of her, and the other crow eaters escorted Erin out.

"_Jax what the hell! You're gonna kill her!"_

"_Yeah, well she's gonna kill Tara and the baby!"_

**TARA POV**

When I came to, I was on the clubhouse floor, with a huge knot on my head from my fall. I was the back of Lyla and the kids walking out, and Jax was arguing with Chibs and Opie.

"_Um... Anyone planning on helping me up?"_

Jax all but sprinted over to me, lifting me up onto my feet. With the little bit of strength I found since the room was spinning, I shoved him away.

"_Not you..."_

I stumbled my way over to Chibs, kind of hugging into him so I wouldn't fall over.

"_Please take me home."_

We started to walk out, but I felt Jax gently pull back on Chibs.

"_Tara, c'mon... I'll take you home."_

I shoved him again, nearly falling over again.

"_DO NOT TOUCH ME UNTIL YOU SHOWERED THAT SKANK SMELL OFF YOU!"_

Chibs took me home after that, and I went to sleep on the couch.

Later, I woke up to the front door opening. Jax was carrying Abel and Mackenzie who were both asleep. Thomas came over to me.

"_Momma booboo okay?"_

"_Yes baby, mommy's booboo is just fine. Let's get you up to bed. It's been a long day." _

Jax didn't even look at me, he had just carried Abel and Mackenzie upstairs for bed, then I heard the water from our shower starting just as I was kissing Thomas good night. I walked in there, staring at him through the glass door.

"_Scrub real hard, it's tough to get the reek of a whore out."_

He looked at me.

"_Would you stop it Tara? Nothing happened, just ask the guys."_

I walked out and slammed the door before he could say anything. He slept on the futon in Thomas's room that night.

The next morning, I heard Jax get up with the kids, telling Thomas to wait in his room, and that he was going to wake Abel up to eat breakfast with him.

"_TARA!"_

I had never heard Jax yell like that, or in such a panic. Something was bad. I ran in there. Jax was yanking the blankets off Abel, moving the pillow out from beneath his head. Abel's lips were blue, and his skin discolored. He wasn't breathing. Jax was desperately trying mouth to mouth resuscitation. Nothing was working. Jax was pleading for Abel to breathe again.

"_Come on buddy... Please... Please wake up... Abel please son... You can't leave me..."_

I didn't know what to do. I was frozen, tears stinging my eyes as I tried to blink them away, only causing them to fall. Thomas came running in.

"_Bubby wet's go pay!"_

I blocked Jax and Abel with my body.

"_Tommy go play with your cars for a second."_

"_Ohtay momma."_

He giggled and ran out. Jax was still pleading with Abel to come back. Abel was completely gone. There was no bringing him back. I put my hand on Jax's shoulder.

"_Come on Jax... I'm sorry baby, he's gone..."_

Jax completely melted down in sobs. He slumped down onto the ground, pulling Abel into his arms.

"_I'm so sorry buddy... Daddy is so sorry."_

We sat there and cried together for a bit. I decided myself that someone needed to be the strong one. Jax was still holding Abel.

"_He's gone baby... Let him be..."_

I lifted my son's lifeless body out from Jax's arms and laid him on the bed, calling the paramedics. They'd have to come get a report and take him to the coroner for an autopsy.

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**~Reviews please! This chapter has been the longest of the story...~**


	41. Chapter 41

**TARA POV**

Autopsy told us that it was the famous "family flaw" that killed Abel, but that he was in no pain while he passed. He was asleep and his heart was just tired of going. Jax left "to go on a run" the day after we buried Abel. I knew it was really him wanting to be away from me. He never came home after that. He stayed at the clubhouse, fucking all those bitches there. At first was more than furious. Hadn't I just smash a girl's nose for trying to mess with Jax? But I gave up then. He made it more than obvious he wanted nothing to do with me or the kids anymore. He stopped by maybe a total of 4 or 5 times over the two months he was gone just to tuck Thomas and Mackenzie in to bed, then would leave. So I started to change. I'd call it "getting in touch with my biker wife title"... I threw out most of my boring clothes, and got slutty tops, a bunch of skinny jeans, leather pants, and heels. I got my hair done, and got a lot of tattoos. Besides the one I already had of the crow, I got Abel's name on the right side of my chest, Thomas up my left rib cage, and Mackenzie in the top-middle of my back. Then out of stupidity, "Jackson" in small cursive on my left ring finger. I felt like if I had the kids names then I should get his. But then I immediately regretted it right as the tattoo artist started, but it was too late. I was not okay with Jax cheating, but I knew that's what he was doing, and I just kind of accepted it. I didn't have the energy or emotions to deal with it. He left me all alone to grieve the lost of our son, and to raise Thomas and Mackenzie while being pregnant. He missed both ultrasounds over the two months too. We were having another boy, but it's not like he cared anyways. Opie had told me about 4 days ago they had gone on a run to Charming, with the Nomads, Rogue River, and Tacoma backing them up. They killed Clay, and was shutting down SAMCRO. It seemed so unlikely... That was the mother charter, but too much shit had gone on. Happy and Tig went Nomad, and the rest went to Tacoma. I told him I didn't care, and that Jax wasn't wanting me in his life anymore.

"_Tara, he loves you. He's just going through some things..."_

"_And I'm not?"_

It was so annoying when people would side with Jax. He was being so selfish with everything.

**JAX POV**

It was a few days after getting back from killing Clay... I actually took a good look at Tara for once in 2 months. She changed so much. She had these black skinny jeans on with tall heels, and a low cut shirt on. She got out of her car, and went straight into her trailer. Lyla wasn't t work yet, there was my perfect chance to talk to Tara. I really did miss her, I just needed alone time. I made my way over to the trailer, sitting in front of her desk

"_Hey you."_

"_Go away Jax..."_

"_Listen, I know I've been neglectful to you and the kids... But all this-," I pointed at her outfit. ",is a bit much...Why'd you let yourself go? I mean, Abel wasn't our only responsibility. We have other kids..."_

"_You wouldn't know... You don't get to tell me how to feel or act... You lost that right when you started dipping into other girls. I get that we're only together for the kids. I'm really starting to give up on us. There's so much crooked shit between us, our love is beyond repair."_

"_I never intended for you to feel that way... I don't feel that way. I still love you and have never stopped loving you. I guess my head just exploded and I went off the rails. That's on me, but I never wanted this to happen."_

"_Well maybe you should have made that clearer. I thought when we lost him, you disappeared in every way possible, and you left me all alone to deal with it. What should have brought us closer together destroyed us."_

"_You're right. But I needed space. I needed to figure out my own shit."_

"_So that gives you permission to cheat on me? And then scold and judge me for dressing like the sluts you hand your dick to?"_

"_That's not fair. I needed to be with someone that I had no connection to, because it was too painful to be with you."_

"_Are you hearing yourself you stupid asshole? THEN YOU DON'T BE WITH ANYONE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"_

She stood up and back handed me from across her desk.

"_Tara, come on, I just want to reconnect with you."_

"_FUCK YOU! I want to be with someone I have no connection with!" _She looked at me briefly, and got quiet. _"You should really pick your kids up for a night. They're wondering if you're still alive."_

She stormed out of her trailer and then Opie came in, standing in the doorway.

"Get your shit together man... You already lost one kid, now you're letting your other kids and old lady go to."

I felt so defeated.

"_She doesn't want me anymore."_

"_Well yeah dickhead. If you slept with random girls and left me home for two months to raise two kids while bearing another, I wouldn't want you either. Honestly, I am surprised she hasn't split on you. You kind of deserve it. You're letting her entire world crumble. SAMSAC doesn't treat their old ladies like SAMCRO does, do they?... You just think about that, Pres."_

He walked out. Great, everyone was team Tara. The next morning, I went up to the house. I wanted to make things right with her again, and I wouldn't give up until I did. It was around breakfast time when I got there. I was greeted by Mackenzie's shrieks of excitement when she saw me walk through the door.

"_DADDA!"_

I walked through to the kitchen. Both Thomas and Mackenzie were sitting in their highchairs, and Tara was making them some oatmeal. Thomas looked at me, but then at Tara and said nothing. I walked over to each of my toddlers, giving them a kiss on the cheek.

"_Daddy missed both of you."_

I walked over to Tara and put my hands on her baby bump, but she quickly rejected that and smacked my hands away.

"_You lost that right too when you bailed."_

"_Oh come on, that's our kid."_

"_Yeah, the kid you don't even know the gender of since you wanted to ignore my calls and texts when I told you the time and dates for the ultrasounds"_

Seriously?

"_Babe, please just let me back in."_

"_Absolutely not..."_

"_You really just gonna keep pushing me away until we lose another kid?"_

She looked at me with pained eyes.

"_Fine, you can stay here, but it'll be on the couch."_

When I looked over at Thomas again, I noticed he had Abel's favorite stuffed frog in his lap.

"_You let him have that?"_

"_He misses his big brother more than anything. He asks for him everyday."_

I remembered I hadn't been in Abel's room since everything happened. I started to go up the stairs, but Tara followed.

"_Don't do that to yourself Jackson. Plus the only thing left in there is his mattress. I had Chib help me box up all of his things and put it in storage."_

"_Really?"_

"_We have a few months left, but we need to get the baby nursery ready..."_

"_Oh... Right."_

"_It's another boy by the way. I was thinking Logan Abel Teller."_

It sounded like a perfect name. I loved how she honored Abel in it too.

"_That's all perfect... I'll feed them breakfast, you can rest for a bit."_

I made my way back to my two alive kids... It was painful not having Abel around.

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**~Reviews please... Haha, another pretty long one... Honestly this is probably my favorite story I have written so far.~**


	42. Chapter 42

**JAX POV**  
I got woken up in the middle of the night by Tara. I was still on the couch, so I automatically assumed if she was waking me up, something was wrong with the kids. I sat straight up, still kind of groggy.

"_Everything alright Tara?"_

She seemed wide awake, and very happy which shocked me. It must have been her pregnancy hormones.

"_Yep. I'm just wide awake. Thomas kept getting out of bed."_

"_Mmm, I can see that."_

"_We should talk Jax."_

"_About what?"_

"_Us... Me and you..."_

"_Right now?"_

"_It's nothing bad, baby. I wanted to tell you that Fiona and Kerrianne were going to pick up Thomas and Mackenzie for the day tomorrow anyways to give me a break so I can rest and stuff. I was thinking we could spend the day just me and you... And if the day goes by smoothly, and we can get along, I'll stop with all the snide comments and hurtful words."_

Seems pretty easy to do.

"_Are you sure Tara?"_

"_Well for the first time in two months, you're sleeping at home instead of with a slut. It means a lot."_

"_It's nothing really..."_

"_You're at home with your wife and kids instead of whoring yourself out, of course it's something."_

"_Well, as long as you allow me to stay here, it's gonna be like that every night."_

"_I know... I believe you can do it."_

"_Well good. I love you babe."_

She hesitated again... Why was she having a hard time saying 'I love you' back to me?

"_Mmm, me too. Why don't you come on up to bed. I'm sure it's comfier than the couch."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_I think so. It'd be nice to have a man next to me in bed for once. And that man being my husband."_

"_Was there any others?"_

"_Nope. I know what faithfulness is... I'm a faithful wife..."_

"_Oh yes you are."_

"_So are you coming to bed or not?"_

"_Of course..."_

We walked up to bed, then I got in on my side while she did hers, then she curled up to my side. It was the best feeling in the world... She just felt, and meant so much more than any of the slut I had been with. I had to make everything alright again. I had to quit fucking things up with her. She was the only one who was as loyal as could be, even with everything I put her through.

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**~Short chapter but a long one will be up tomorrow, once I get my second brain (friend T.J) to help me out!~**


	43. Chapter 43

**TARA POV**

After Fiona came to pick up Thomas and Mackenzie, Jax and I decided to go to the grocery store. We needed some food that wasn't hotdogs, cheerios, and yogurt like our toddlers preferred. We were having a really good day together just Jax and I. He was even holding my hand the entire time, or rubbing on my baby bump. That didn't stop the girls from gazing at him. It was so annoying. He wasn't doing anything back, actually I don't even think he noticed, but from what he had been doing during those months away, I couldn't help but get bothered by it. I went to get some half gallons of milk when I saw a mom, oddly enough a brunette, with a little boy who looked just like Abel. It took the breath out of me. I missed him so much. Tears stung the back of my eyes... I grabbed 2 half gallons and all but sprinted back to Jax. He looked at me with a worried look.

"_Babe what's wrong?"_

"_I'm sorry... It's just too hard... Can we please check out and just go home?"_

"_Sure babe, of course."_

**JAX POV**

Whatever/whoever Tara saw in the store had really upset her. She wouldn't tell me about it, and I wasn't going to pressure her into telling me, so I just left it alone. When we got home, she helped me put away the groceries but was still noticeably upset. I suggested for her to go lay in bed and that I'd join her after I showered. She agreed, and I jumped into the shower. I was standing at the bathroom sink brushing through my hair when I heard a bunch of shuffling in our room. I looked out and Tara had a duffle bag on the bed, and was frantically throwing things in there.

"_Tara, babe, what are you doing?"_

"_I have to get out Jax... It's just too much... The memories are too painful."_

I made my way over to her and reached for her hand.

"_Please don't do this again... I'm here baby... I can make this better."_

She yanked her hand away from me.

"_I JUST CAN'T!"_

She started crying and tried to make a run out the bedroom door, but I pulled her back to me, pulling her to my lap on the floor.

"_Please don't leave me Tara... I need you baby... Please don't." _

I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, much like hers.

**TARA POV**

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**_/:flashback to us finding Abel's dead body: _**

**_Jax was yanking the blankets off Abel, moving the pillow out from beneath his head. Abel's lips were blue, and his skin discolored. He wasn't breathing. Jax was desperately trying mouth to mouth resuscitation. Nothing was working. Jax was pleading for Abel to breathe again._**

_**"Come on buddy... Please... Please wake up... Abel please son... You can't leave me...":\\**_

* * *

I noticed as he was holding him to me again, he had that same desperate, heartbroken look on his face. The pain was evident. I couldn't put him through that. He barely survived Abel's passing. We needed each other, no matter how anxious or panicked one of us got. For the first time in forever, we were both crying at the same time. Apologies started to pour out of Jax.

_"__I'm so sorry Tara... I'm so so sorry. I thought Abel being my biological son, it would hurt me more losing him, but I couldn't be more wrong. God, Tara I'm so sorry I left. I can only hope you can forgive me, because I'll never forgive myself... I'm such an ass... If we hadn't lost Abel, I would've never left and slept with all those girls... He's looking down on all of us and can see how weak his father is... I'm so ashamed in myself..."_

_"__Oh no Jax... The night before he passed, the last thing we told him was that we were all going to eat breakfast then hang out at the shop all day. He was so excited. He went to sleep happy. That's his only feeling. He doesn't want us hurting baby... But I can, and will forgive you Jax. I thought you leaving meant our love died with Abel. I'm sorry too, I'm sorry I misjudged your pain."_

He still wasn't looking at me. I grabbed his face in a rough but loving way.

_"__Look at me Jax."_

He did so I continued.

_"__We're stronger together, always have been. We WILL pull through this, but only together... Alone, we'll die. Maybe not our bodies, but our souls. I felt my soul dying everyday you were out doing what you were, but our kids helped me stay alive. You being here again, I truly feel alive again. Nothing will ever be able to replace our little boy, but if we can move past grief, and remember all the good times, then we can move on. We need to remember who he was, not who he could have been."_

He nodded at me, and I wiped the tears off his cheeks, kissing the corner of an eye.

_"__Jax, it's going to be a long time before this gets easy, but we have two other beautiful children, with a third on the way, that don't understand where their daddy is. You need to get to know them again."_

He pulled me in for a warm and loving hug, finally talking again.

_"__I'm going to make all of this up... I'll take a leave from the club for a few weeks and stay here, reconnecting with all of you. I'm so sorry babe."_

_"__I know you are Jax, you don't have to keep saying that."_

_"__Yeah I do."_

_"__No. We all grieve in different ways. My mind was too clouded to see what this did to you and yours was too. But that is over now. Clean slate, we can get to know you again, and we can honor Abel's memory by being together for our kids."_

_"__I'd like to start now. Think it'd be okay to go get them from Fiona?"_

_"__Of course... I'll ride with, let me just adjust my make up... Finish getting ready love."_

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**~Reviews please! Sorry it's been a few days, I've been busy.~**


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